Judge Me

S1E10: Faint Of Heart Pt. 2

S1E10: Faint Of Heart Pt. 2

↑ Stasi's Dad - Michael Casey ↑

My opening night was amazing all except that Jax hadn't shown up to it. I knew he didn't really care for big, fancy events but it was really some thing I looked forward to if he were going to support my life. I didn't hate the club but I wasn't naïve to think that it was a good thing for him. My own father was a cautionary tale so why would I want someone I was willing to spend my whole life with to be in danger.

"I saw your shop in the newspaper," Gemma said as I found her in the hospital with Abel.

I just wanted to hold him and smell that fresh baby scent that was so amazing. Also he just reminded me of when Blue was this tiny and cute.

"You couldn't make it?", the question was just pure curiosity.

"Stuff with the club."

I picked Abel up and held him tight as he slowly started to wake. His blue eyes were so precious and similar to Jax's that I fell in love with them.

"It's okay, Gemma. I don't expect you or Jax to be into stuff like that. But I would like to say that it's okay to not be so wound tight sometimes."

She watched me with curious eyes and I had to admit that there was some thing different about how she just seemed to stare. Like she saw some thing that reminded her of something.

"You looking to have any of these?", she questioned gesturing to a softly cooing Abel.

I bounced him in my arms as he smiled up at me.

"Some day. When I get married, I want to have at least four."

"You thinking of Jax when you think marriage?"

"Maybe, Gemma."

The thought of me and Jax married would make me the happiest woman alive but I knew with that big ass step came all these big ass responsibilities and issues that could make or break us. I was all for the making but if we weren't in tune like we needed to be then it could potentially break us all the way. So I really did want that but there was no way I was going to rush down the aisle.

"Be sure you know what you want. I won't have you running off on my son when you feel it's necessary," Gemma sniped as she pressed a kiss to Abel's head and gave me a harsh look.

I shook my head.

-

"Anything new?", Jax asked as we sat in the park under a tree like I could picture us doing so long ago. "I mean, I have some heavy shit but I don't want to burden you."

"Are you afraid to burden me with it or is this the keep you at a distance if you aren't an old lady type talk?"

"You know I consider you more than any old lady. I saw you the other day... with Abel. You looked sad and happy at the same time which for you is never a good combo."

"It's the womb syndrome. Every female has dealt with the symptoms and feelings that come with having a womb. It's like this urge to just have babies," I admitted playing with the rings on my fingers as I just went back over the feeling of holding baby Abel. "My mother had it, she has two kids. My sister told me that she feels like that sometimes when she babysits or when she sees Blue, but who knows..."

"Wendy wasn't the type. We were forced into this," his words were so nonchalant that I had to really look into his saddened blue eyes to see the raw pain hidden there.

"You weren't forced, Jax. If Wendy were forced then you'd have had to drugged her or raped her; if you were forced then she'd have had to do the same. I think men don't realize what a blessing children are until they have one of their own and they look down into that tiny little face that resembles them and they picture that little person growing up in their image or even better."

"I mean, my mother practically forced us down the aisle with her nagging and with Wendy being the closest thing to somebody, I just did as I was told. What did I get? A cranked out ex and a baby that nearly died because of her selfish, idiotic thinking."

"Jax?", I tried calling him back to attention as he looked close to ranting about his perfectly imperfect life.

"Hmm...", his thoughts were on baby Abel and Wendy and how he ended up in this situation to begin with.

"I want to meet Wendy when she sobers up. I want to ask her if she'll be willing to let me be his godmother. I know it's customary for parents to name their children's godparents but I just feel like I should- no, I could do this for the three of you."

Jax softly kissed me making me feel higher than I've ever been and with these new emotions emerging, I just let them be.

"Wendy doesn't have parental rights to stand on in a court but I can definitely make this thing happen where in any situation Abel is given to you if anything happens to me," Jax spoke as if he had no cares in the world to give to Wendy but he should.

"I still want to meet her, Jax," I had this feeling in my gut that if things were ever reversed, I'd not only be furious at the father but whatever woman believed she could step on my toes when I carried and gave birth to the child that they wanted to lay claim to. "To chat."

"Why?"

His blue eyes bored into my brown ones and I just had to admit that I could stare at his handsome face for days on end without getting sick of looking at it.

"Because she is the mother of your son and I don't think I would feel right not even asking her if she approves. If anyone were to ever do something like that to me, then I'd be-"

"You'd feel like shit," he finished for me.

"Just like you if another man suddenly wants to lay claim to your son," I finished giving both sides a look and making Jax see reason.

"Do you want to do something other than talk?", Jax asked suddenly.

I bit my lip as I thought about all the things we could do that didn't involve any talking, well maybe a little.

"How about we-", I whispered the rest into his ear and pressed the lines of his body against mine to emphasize the point.

He slid his hand down to squeeze my ass and I leaned forward to capture his lips in a slow, passionate kiss that stole my breath away and had me reeling for a second.

I even felt a little lightheaded.

"You okay?", Jax panted as I leaned my forehead against his.

"Fine. Let's go to your place. Not the clubhouse."

It was wrong to go to his house when he left it for his pregnant ex wife but I didn't want to think about the dirt he'd done at that place with other girls.

"My mom's there."

"Well then we are going to my shop."

I don't know why I said it but there was no way I was driving all the way to my parents' house or the clubhouse for what I was about to do to this man. Plus I had a soundproof office and an extra comfy couch.