Counterfeit

-fiftytwo--

--fiftytwo- 

IT WAS THE moment my whole world broke. When something inside of me died and disappeared. From my place outside the room, I wept. "No." Just 'no', over and over again. 

Through the break of light in the hallway, Charleston discovered me. I had never seen, as far as I could recall, such a tremendous display of regret upon someone. He went to speak, but I demolished his chances as he choked on his words. 

I stormed my way over to him, making the room shake by my thunderous steps, though it was only really the shock. Everything was slow and distorted; sounds not matching what my mind registered, echoes ringing in my ears, and a boy who I felt all wrong about. 

His hands extended out to try and calm me. "Pip," he breathed. 

Patrick, who sat in the corner, stood up as I approached Charleston. Perhaps he knew the terrible thing I was about to do. 

MiKinley was his friend, too, and I was certain that his heart would be breaking as much as mine was in that moment, but I truly hoped it wasn't. He let me do what I did to him for a while, so maybe he did understand, and maybe he almost felt relieved in my actions. But Charleston didn't resist it either, so I couldn't conclude what anyone else was feeling. 

I had reached him by now. His hands were on my arms, steadying me. 

"Pip, listen to me-" 

"No!" I tugged my hands away sharply, sending us both back a couple paces from the force of my movement. The rage consumed me. 

Again, "No! No, you liar. You liar!" 

And then it happened. 

My hands raised, both of them, as I pushed them firmly against his chest. He fell away from me, almost falling out of surprise. 

"Pip," he murmured. He knew there was nothing he could say. Nothing. 

I took another step towards Charleston who stood, apologetically, awaiting what he knew was coming.  What I thought he deserved. 

I hit him again and again, repeatedly, my hands in fists crashing down against his chest alternatively. Although I wasn't the strongest, I knew it must have hurt him: in the same way you feel when you scratch too much in one place, or bang your head back against a wall when you sit in boredom, it becomes too much. 

I muttered incoherent, wounding things and he listened to all of them, never taking his eyes from me. His hands rested loosely, drifting between my elbows to my lower back. Mine, hurting the boy I loved. 

All I remember thinking, that after all I had been deprived of, this is not what touch was meant for. For harming. 

I wanted to scream at him and apologize all at once. Push him away, and collapse into him. 

"You're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong! You're lying." My entire body was shaking, weak with nausea. 

Patrick came over at this point, nodding sadly to Charleston as he attempted to pull me away from him. I, of course, objected. 

"Pip, come here." Patrick spoke, his voice nothing but delicate. 

As I ignored him, I looked up to Charleston asking him something which surely welled deep inside of him. "Charleston, why are you doing this to me?" 

Patrick muttered my name again, finally releasing me from my grip on Charleston. But just as quickly as we were separated, I was back to him again; only this time, I wasn't pushing him, I was leaning into him, crying, telling him that I didn't want to do this anymore. 

"Shh, shh." He tried to me calm me. 

Slowly, we fell down to the ground, leaning against the cold brick wall, both of us more afraid than we ever had been. 

Life, I finally understood, didn't exist in The Dormir. And I didn't belong, either. 

It was time to get out. Now, before another one of my friends had to die. 

-fiftytwo--

28/12/17

I don't like this, I'm sorry.

I wanted to try and show how much fear Pip had over losing MiKinley and how you can mourn for someone who is still here, but I don't like the way it came out at all. I don't want to present Pip as a weak character; I want to show that obviously things do scare her and there are things which she isn't able to deal with on her own - because she is only human - but I didn't do that.

And I just want to make it very clear that abuse is never okay, whether you are a boy or a girl, it is wrong to do it to anyone. I was kind of conflicted over writing this, but I wanted to include it as a demonstration of Pip's grief and anger, and that even though she loves Charleston, in the moment, you can still hurt people you love when you are suffering. It was more of a display of heartache than hatred, but it was still wrong, and Pip knows this. Further, I also wanted to include it as a part of the character's growth and let Pip explore ways she can change from this. Also, so you guys can see what kind of impact it has on their relationship, and what might have happened before The Dormir that changes it for one of them.

 I will hopefully change this chapter completely one day, but I need to write the next few in order to understand what might fit here. Thank you for all the reads and comments and votes! I love you guys so much! God bless you.