An Indie Musician's Diary Vol 2

The Fear of Bouncing a Wav

October 2nd

O.k. If you aren't aware what a wav file is it is a high quality format - an mp3 is compressed and simplified in comparison. I need to set a stop point for the song the Vine and just make a wav file and send it for consideration for mastering. I have been tweaking it for months. But now, most changes I do simply change it- they don't necessarily make it better. Time to move on to the next song. But I am afraid. So afraid. I'll be sending it to a professional and I am going to get a lot of criticism probably. But that is how I am going to grow. I know he will give constructive criticism and that is exactly what I need in order to improve. 

The Vine is the first song on the album that I have recorded, edited and mixed entirely by myself and the most complicated song on the album. So why did I start with this one. It was my guinea pig where I learned compression tricks, gain staging, mixed busses and so much more. It is months of work - weeks just to program the piano and strings. I am tired of working on it and I don't even hear it any more. Time to call it quits, get some outside feedback and move on.

But what am I afraid of? Failure? No. Rejection. Maybe. Perhaps the mastering guru thinks my mix sucks and asks me to go to someone else to get it mastered. If so, I'll do it myself or go to Landr. That is the worst thing that can possible happen. 

Procrastination

In any case I have had to face the fact that I keep procrastinating because I am afraid of failure. I have many but not all of the classic 10 symptoms mentioned in Phycology Today's list of things that constitute the fear of failure. I find myself doing anything but mixing when I get to this point. The remedy is to tell yourself, fail or succeed, this is when I send it. Setting a time limit helps. So I finally sent the first wav of the Vine and was told it needed to de decluttered. Back to work. 

It's December 7th, two months (!) after I wrote this (above). Last night I sent the second version of The Vine wav to Panorama mastering. This morning, I got an email that he got it and will listen next week. I am bracing myself for more constructive criticism and more work with the song next week. But I sent it. That is a big deal for me. 

What did I do those two months? I worked about 1 to 3 hours a day on music creation most days, some 4 or 6. I had a hard time pulling myself to the table because I didn't know where to start, I did however continue to use the method 

1. start the day listening with "fresh ears"

2. write down what is still bothering me on the Wunderlist list in my computer

3. clean up my list in sections 

4. bite off one thing at a time. 

5 repeat

I not only cleaned up the arrangement, I made so many things sound better

Why did it take so long?  The fear of the wav file...

But now I wait for another round of criticism and work. But that will be next week's worry! 

For now, on to the next two songs to be sent to Australia before Christmas..wish me luck!

Links:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201306/10-signs-you-might-have-fear-failure