After Hours ➳ Dinah Jane

thirty-four

Once finals began, the feeling of being unwanted in Seattle became incredibly strong. The last good day we had was, strangely, the day she pranked me. That was months ago. Not one day went by when Dinah and I weren't fighting since then. Sometimes we would have little fights about where she wanted to keep things in the pantry, or tiny spats about losing the remote. Other times, we were fighting over bills, or the fact that I got "homesick" too easily. It seemed like there was this huge sense of tension between us. There were things we needed to talk about, and the fear of talking about them, and making Dinah mad was unfathomable. Feeling her cold shoulder is enough, but seeing her face when she's full of rage makes me want to leave and never turn back. Although, I felt that if I didn't stay, I would be seen as a failure or an idiot that fell for my high school English teacher. I refuse to be that girl.

I wasn't going to college like my friends, and I had no true experience at anything. Everything I had now was because of her, and that dependence made me feel weak. Especially since my job search months ago never fully came back with any responses besides being a shitty barista. I couldn't even pull that off.

The distance got stronger even in minuscule moments when it would seem like we were making progress.

So, as of this moment I decided that I've had enough. I couldn't hide in fear and continue to be in a relationship where I couldn't feel comfortable or safe. It was almost as if I was dating Zane again, but a more mentally manipulative Zane. And maybe she wasn't being manipulative on purpose. Maybe something deeper was bothering her, but none of that could excuse the way she was treating me. I didn't like comparing the two, but my luck with relationships was the worst. Things were easier when Dinah and I had to hide our relationship.

It wasn't satisfying to pretend like we didn't know each other out on the street, but every second we spent together meant that much more when we couldn't express our love. Everything is becoming too complicated and I'm worried that if I don't do something about it now that I will never be happy.

Dinah had been out at the school all afternoon like she usually did on the weekends. She used it as a way to stay away from me as much as possible. At least that's how I saw it in my eyes. It was never fully discussed as that, but there was no reason why she couldn't do her work at home like every other teacher at that metaphorical kid prison.

Thinking she'd be gone all day, I began spot cleaning the house. Picking up the heels she laid around the living room, and wiping down the kitchen counters. Usually cleaning helped calm down the wild thoughts about Dinah and I. I never thought I would enjoy cleaning in my whole fucking life.

Before I could really make much of a difference in the mess we allowed ourselves to come home to every day, she walked through the door trying to balance bags of groceries in one arm and a stack of composition notebooks in another.

"Hey baby." I welcomed her home with a soft tone as I opened the fridge to check the dates on our refrigerated food before throwing it out in the trash can I had pulled out in front of me for easy disposal.

The silence was deafening. It only got louder as the crinkle from the paper bags filled that empty space where words should've been. She tried to walk passed me to grab a bottle of water, but I wouldn't allow her to ignore me. There was something about today, and this was the last moment of stillness that I could take. I reached out for her hand to get her attention, and she turned to glare back at me.

"What? I see you almost every moment of the day. Do I really need to greet you every time I enter the house." The coldness in her voice completely shocked me. So much so, that I couldn't move or speak. I was in such awe that I was still trying to think about if I wanted to blow up at her or let her talk to me like that, and just keep ignoring the harsh tone like I have been. Maybe she's having a bad day. Don't make a big deal out of it. I watched as she walked away.