I wish - 05/11/2020

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I wish I could say that I'm confident.

I wish I could say that I can meet new people that I can make new friends.

But I can't say this.

I can't say this because it isn't true.

Because I'm not confident, and I can't make new friends.

I wish I could say that I feel good with the friendships I already have.

But I can't say that.

I can't say that because I feel nervous with the people that I know.

The only way that I can tell you why I get so nervous is my anxiety.

I was officially 'diagnosed' in 7th grade. But I'm sure I've had it since around 2nd grade.

I know that having anxiety is not an excuse, and I don't want it to define me, but it makes me feel less weird. Like there's a reason for my actions and feelings.

When I'm in these situations, I feel frozen and scared.

I feel like if I move or say something, I will cry and I don't want to cry because it's embarrassing if you do it every day.

Some days are better than others. Some are worse.

The worse part about this feeling is knowing that most people don't have to feel this way, yet you do.

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I know I write about this topic too much, but I write about it when I do them late, (aka today).

Anyways, it's 11:25 and I think my mom thinks I'm asleep.

Thanks for reading this,

- Lilly Rose

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