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[31] CHAPTER REVIEW: The Feral Sinner (Fantasy)

The Feral Sinner by Celestia_Alejandro Celestia_Alejandro

Chapter 1 (Chapter Title)
Contemporary? Fantasy? (Genre)
Fear (Themes)
First Person Past (fairly consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌗🌚)

---------------- 1.05.2021 -----------

I see that this story is marked as 'on hold' so I won't go into too much detail as you've probably already identified the aspects that work and don't work so well. But in the event that you haven't, I will talk about them briefly here.

One thing I enjoyed about the chapter was the lore. I did like the rumors and the superstition. The various theories about the feral wolves were fun and served as a good setup. As far as foreshadowing goes, it was well done.

But then something unexpected happened, something that dragged me out of the fantasy world. Modern references.

This is a very strange mix. It's a cool idea in some aspects, but also very difficult to juggle in others.

Turns out, this isn't a fantasy world. This isn't even a historical world. It's the modern world with the MC living in some sort of regressive cult. I say cult, because all the tech and customs that she finds 'different' have been around for hundreds of years. The telephone was invented in 1892, yet she's never heard of one. Then the idea of 'dating' is such an old custom that for her NOT to know it, then she must be in a very stifled sphere. The problem is, people from other countries visit. That alone should have poisoned the 'tech-less' village. Preservation comes with isolation. So I wasn't sure if I should view this story as 'modern' or historical, or both. In the end, I settled on neither, which made it hard to get emotionally invested.

She's in a forest but I didn't know if at any time she might get airlifted out by a helicopter should anyone discover her. Or if she'd be healed by a powerful witch.

Because it straddles the fence, I did, too.

Prologue?
None present.

Does this need an edit?

Yes. There are some dialogue tag issues as well as 'comma splices'. The plot needs to be clarified as well.

Would I read on?
Yes/No. Without a clear idea of...
A. the clear conflict
B. hints of what's to come (quest, adventure, romance, power struggle)
C. a clear possible solution for the MC
...then I wouldn't be too eager to jump to the next chapter.

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