FREE Book Reviews

[1] CHAPTER REVIEW: dopamine dreams (Contemporary)

dopamine dreams By terraxxa terraxxa

Phase 1: A Transformation (Chapter Title)
Contemporary (Genre)
Thrills & Consequences (Themes)
Third Person Omniscient (consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌗🌚)

---------------- 11.25.2020 -----------

This chapter read a lot darker than I'd expected but it can't be called boring, that's for sure. The detail is almost a bit TOO vivid for my taste. The skill put on display here is one for the ages and I am glad to have had the chance to read it.

Due to the new format, I no longer give inline comments but I want to mention a few things here. You used the word 'plunger' twice. That shouldn't really matter but because it's not a common word we use, the first time felt very descriptive, but when it was used again, it felt as if the word was limiting and could have been replaced by something more sophisticated to match this very well-polished tone.

The vagueness of the chapter, unfortunately, had me rereading it THREE times to make sure I was understanding it right. We have so many elements in this one scene. We have a possible captive, a possible torture victim, and definitely someone vulnerable. Along with him, is a girl whose role in his life is unclear.

As the story progresses, that will no doubt come into focus, but for a bigger impact, I do wish we'd gotten a taste of it, even for a bit. We, the readers, don't know if this vivid depiction is seen as a positive in the eyes of the characters or as something beyond the pale.

Was she helping him, was she hurting him, that is up in the air.

If that's done with intention, I'd like to know why and what the takeaway is. As I'm not a fan of horror or depictions of torture, I wouldn't know whether or not to go on. If he's trying to get out, then that is a story I can read, but if he's succumbing to it, then that's a story for someone else.

Regardless of what happens, the skill put forth is undeniable.

Due to the vagueness, I'd give chapter 2 a try, but I'd go in cautious rather than eager.

- End-

Does this need an edit?
Yes and no. It needs another polish but grammar and punctuation wasn't a big issue.

Would I read on?
For now, yes. Please resubmit in this topic when you've added more and I'll continue.

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