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[17] CHAPTER REVIEW: Closer To The Sun (Poly/Bi Romance)

Closer To The Sun [Poly] [Bi] By Kat-Sharp Kat-Sharp

Chapters 1 - 5 (Chapter Title)
Poly/Bi Romance (Genre)
Emotion (Themes)
Third Person Limited (consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌗🌚)

---------------- 12.20.2020 -----------

Right off the bat, you break a lot of writing rules I am VEHEMENTLY against breaking....

And I loved it.

I've never seen someone able to capture the heart of the characters SO fast. From the VERY first paragraph, I was invested. I loved Campbell. He could have gone out and burned a house down in the second paragraph, it wouldn't have mattered, because I was already unconditionally in love with him.

I loved Shea. She could have gone out and sunk a cruise ship, no worries, this love is unconditional.

So what's my problem?

I don't really have one. I have several.

This genre isn't a genre I've read before. Not really. I come across a lot of stories. But the genre isn't the issue. I'd read your writing forever and a day, because it's so beautiful.

This story happened to have MULTIPLE intros.

The prologue was one intro, the first chapter was yet another intro, then chapter two was one more intro. There were SEVERAL intros.

Now, this isn't bad for whoever likes this format. I think there will be more than enough readers who enjoy this type of storytelling.

For me, it felt like I was talking to strobe-lights. Each flicker was captivating but I didn't know who my guide was.

I almost mistook this for a book of short stories, because all the intros could sustain themselves as shorts. The once upon a time prologue, to the chapter 1 intro, to the chapter 2 intro.

I stopped at chapter 6, (the story started at chapter 4), but I stopped at chapter 5 because...I didn't like Nora.

I didn't hate her. I didn't like her. I just didn't care about her.

Her character came with a great deal of emotion, too, but it was emotion that seemed demanding. I don't know why she's upset. I don't know why she's fighting with her bf, I just know that as a reader, I'm supposed to support her but to be honest, she was exhausting so early. I felt like I didn't want to delve into her tears, because it's the first thing I get from her.

Campbell, however briefly I met him, gave me something else. He gave me pain in a form that wasn't expecting anything from me. His battle was internal and palpable and I would have eaten the book up in a whole night if it was about him and Shea. In fact, I kept reading, hoping his POV would return. It didn't, so I took my leave.

There's a danger with jumping around from head to head. It's easier to leave when it's not the MC you want. It's like when you go to a concert to see your favorite band open for a bigger band you don't care for. You watch the opening and you bounce.

I loved the way Nora's story started about her mother. Again, another great opening, but that is all. Because I skipped her prologue and went to chapter 1 where she wasn't there, I felt she intruded on the story despite it being actually hers. Campbell and Shea were just more interesting for me.

What's the solution? I don't like advising you about this because your art is already beautiful and perhaps this is simply how you like to set up your stories. If that is the case then there's nothing really wrong with it.

But for me to have read more, I'd have needed:

1. A clear indication of who the MC was from the start. Not the 'switch-a-roo.'
2. A clear indication of a problem. I thought Shea coming back was the smoking gun but that's not mentioned at all. So that wasn't it. What was the life-changing event? Maria's death/suicide?
3. A clear path to solving the problem/conflict
4. A clear indication of what to expect. I wasn't sure if the kids were just making up the shifting thing or if it was real. I'd have liked to have known if that was a real thing or just their imagination. In fact, a story that followed Campbell and Shea would have been amazing. You did an amazing job with their intro, and then you shelved them and the luster of their amazing chapter dulled. I kept looking for them again but didn't get as close as I'd wanted.

Prologue?
Skipped. As a rule, I do not read prologues. I went back to read it because chapter 1 gave me no clear indication of what the book was about. As I suspected, the prologue did not dispel my confusion.

Does this need an edit?
No. There are some dialogue tag issues but for the most part, the punctuation is solid. The writing is beautiful and clean, too. It's the plot that needs a hammer and saw, in my opinion.

Would I read on?
Yes/No. Without a clear idea of...
A. the clear conflict
B. hints of what's to come (quest, adventure, romance, power struggle)
C. a clear possible solution for the MC

...then I wouldn't be too eager to jump to the next chapter.

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