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[9] CHAPTER REVIEW: My Perfect Storm (Bad Boy Fiction)

My Perfect Storm by Maryaden01 Maryaden01

CHAPTER ONE (Chapter Title)
Contemporary (Genre)
The Past Catching Up(Themes)
Third Person Limited (consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌚🌚)

---------------- 12.06.2020 -----------

Despite the comments I made focusing on certain things, I really enjoyed this first chapter. It was pretty clear and concise. It also kept one focus and built on it. Chloe stole the show. She was an instant favorite. I really enjoyed her commentary. More than once I literally chuckled.

I will admit that it needs an edit. Specifically, dialogue tags and some repetition. The punctuation overall is off but fixing those dialogue tags will make a world of difference.

My only real concern is the lack of Ashley's name. It's mentioned ONCE at the very, VERY beginning and then after that, she's referred to as 'she' to which I'd forgotten her name. I'd known Chloe's name WELL throughout because she was the only character named beyond Mr. Marshall. Taking Ashley's name away simply erased her for me. And my focus turned to the others AROUND her, rather than her directly. When the paragraph included her and Chloe, without Ashley's name being mentioned, I didn't know who was doing what to who. It threw me out of the story.

I like the idea that something happened beforehand that is coming home to roost. That really built the suspense. I also liked that Ashley seemed so down-to-earth. Chloe kept things cheerful and the bad boy CEO seems like a hefty challenge.

Overall, it was a fun chapter.

Prologue?
None. I skipped the description because I like imagining the characters for myself but that is a personal preference.

Does this need an edit?
Yes. The dialogue tags and punctuation overall is wrong or misplaced.

Would I read on?

I would. Having Ashley referred to as 'she' so often does make it a challenge but other than that, it had all the things a first chapter needed, so yes.