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[3] CHAPTER REVIEW: People Zoo (Science Fiction)

People Zoo by HorseboyLorenzo HorseboyLorenzo

Chapter 1 (Chapter Title)
Science Fiction (Genre)
A People Zoo (Themes)
First Person Past (consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌗🌚🌚)

---------------- 11.27.2020 -----------

Now this is a VERY interesting idea. It reminds me of Rama written by Arthur C. Clarke where people are 'collected' by aliens. Yours is pretty far-out. It's using bots. Now THAT'S an awesome idea.

Although aliens are fun, robots speak of natural human hubris which brings about the realism VERY quickly.

Sadly, that's as far as it goes.

Your writing is good and your grammar and punctuation solid. Your scene also starts right in the action and the reader is aware of where this is and what's going on.

But here's the thing, you're doing something that needs a good understanding of human nature and short of having a degree in anthropology, then You'd have to either go ALL in, or all out. Either it's a fully realized world with all the fixins, or it's satire.

But it can't be both.

The concept is fantastic. I at first liked Aphro until he became an a-hole. He routinely beats her? Wow. Then there's the pop-culture references. That serves to give the reader a faster picture of the scene and the tone, but it takes all the realism away. They shouldn't have any pop culture references in a dystopian future where they are IN A ZOO.

Then you have to consider the cultural significance of this idea. While I do think it's an idea with merit and it's worth exploring, I do want to know if you are aware that there WERE people zoos in Europe as early as the 1930's. Aboriginal people (native Americans, Africans, etc) were gathered and literally PUT in a zoo on display.

So either this is total realism where you go all out or it's satire.

The first chapter was a smooth read. My only gripes were the ones I mentioned until now. I did go on to chapter two, but without a clear guide (we get the girl in the first one), it's hard to hold on to the chapter's thread. I didn't know who I was following, where we were, or why. I now see that switching POV, even after one chapter, can have dire consequences if a guide isn't presented quickly and his/her role relative to this world isn't established right away. At first, I wondered if this was a book of short stories, turns out, they connected. But without a guide, I did not care about the scene leading up to Aphro's appearance and once he was there, I'd already started skimming so I figured I'd come back one day...which isn't likely.

Prologue?
I usually don't read prologue so I have skipped this prologue as well.

Does this need an edit?
Not for punctuation or grammar, but rather possibly for contents.

Would I read on?

Yes. Until I opened chapter 2 and felt lost or like I was reading a new book. Chapter 1 didn't end with a hook so there was nothing I was waiting on or eager to see come to fruition in chapter 2. Therefore, when I started skimming, I wasn't emotionally invested enough to try and get back into it once I realized that it was a continuation and not an entirely new story. The first chapter needs a CRISIS or a problem of some kind. This book premise is a cool idea. But it's not enough to just have a cool idea—look at Dark City. Don't know what that is? Exactly.

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