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(6) REVIEWS: Phoenix's Arrival (Coming of Age)

Phoenix's Arrival by Yn_2421 Yn_2421
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝)

---------------- 11.17.2020 -----------

I debated writing this review. Simply saying nothing takes only a few clicks. However, I asked myself what I'd want if it were me and I know I'd want that feedback, even if it was less than favorable.

This feedback is a mixed bag and I will be honest down to the bone so I know some parts will hurt. But I am not worried about that because I know there's absolutely NOTHING I or anyone else can say that'll discourage this author, and there shouldn't be.

I really like the writing style and despite the many typos and poor punctuation here and there, it didn't signal a bad story. It has a good story and that's all a reader is after. It could be held together on typos ALONE, so long as the story is good, there'll be an audience for it.

BUT, cleaning up the punctuation and grammar is a sign an author respects his/her book and characters. As of now, with the amount of errors in this, it's like going to your best friend's wedding...in your pajamas.

"But I showed up!"

Yes. But how?

It is not enough just to write a good story. A good story deserves all the primping and pampering even the bad stories get. So this needs an edit.

The story and the plot are fine...but weird. NEVER have I seen such SERIOUS writing for such an unrealistic plot. I half-thought it was satire. In fact, I checked the heading often to make sure.

I never read blurbs, and it's a good thing, because if I had, I wouldn't have opened this book to read it. A girl, an untrained girl, an untrained rookie girl from privilege taking on seasoned MALE street fighters born and raised in the slums and...winning? I prepared my 'suspension of disbelief' hat but I honestly didn't need it. The writing is so well-done that I found myself believing each and every absurd scenario—often without question. THAT is how good the writing was. It's detailed to a FAULT.

But then we hit chapter 28 and no amount of wishful thinking was going to save me from this free-fall. Simply put, the story ends at chapter 27. But there are 51 chapters! Oh, so you've noticed.

As far as the structure of every story goes:
- beginning
- inciting incident
- middle
- complexities
- climax
- end
- reasonable resolution

Everything appears and unfolds right up to chapter 27. The book itself, the story itself ENDS at chapter 27. I am assuring you that if you read this story and reach chapter 27, that feeling of closure and serenity you feel isn't your imagination. It's the life-cycle of a proper story ending.

Here are a few rules of writing:
- after the halfway mark of the book, new characters cannot 'appear'
- all chapters, even fluff, must tie into the plot

After chapter 28, those two rules get thrown out the window, shot mid air, flop down onto hot asphalt, run over by a steamroller, buried in the backyard, resurrected, and shot again.

This book is actually two books pretending to be one. It starts off with a clear problem and it's easy to fall for it because while the scenario is far-fetched, the human emotion is REAL and raw and amazing. This first book is unique in EVERY WAY.

- The romance aspect? Unique. I wasn't sure about it at first but grew to love it.
- The build up? Unique.
- The conflict and resolution? All unique.

From chapter 1 to chapter 27, the book is like nothing I've ever seen. It comes out swinging and the MC takes a deep journey worth sharing with her. I loved her as an MC and I loved the secondary characters. I understood her pain and loved seeing her rise above it.

Chapters 28 to 51 is a new book. But where the first half 1-27 was fresh, unique, and new, the latter half 28-51 were as 'run of the mill' as one could get. It read like something from a B movie. There was no way for me to enjoy it. For one thing, new characters pop up. 1-dimensional characters. The fact that the author notes kept spoiling the book didn't help either. But that wouldn't have saved it. The focus shifts from the trio of the first book and focuses nearly entirely on the MC and her feelings. Non-foreshadowed bad guys come out of nowhere. Then the MC not only demands a suspension of disbelief for the original story but yet another 'hard to wrap our head around' tale that has no end-goal.

So from chapter 1 to the end of chapter 27, this was a brilliant story that can enrich the lives of others, IMO. But after that, it not only went off the rails, it skipped the track and slammed into cliche-town full tilt.

A good solution would be to shave off chapters 28 - 51, CONDENSE 28-51 into about 3 chapters, and use it to start yet another book where the MC perhaps goes to the US. The part where she is heading back with her cousin should be the start, and sets the rest of the new life off. IMO. But as of now, I'm glad I read this story, and even though 28 - 51 weren't as engaging, the talent of the author was on full display.