FREE Book Reviews

[39] CHAPTER REVIEW: The Death Of A Bachelor (Romance)

The Death Of A Bachelor by rikaaraji468 rikaaraji468

Chapter One (Chapter Title)
Romance (Genre)
Duty & Family (Themes)
Third Person Omniscient (inconsistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌗🌚)

---------------- 1.24.2021 -----------

Lately I've been fortunate to find some good reads in my reviewing pile. This story is no exception—it's equally as interesting as the others. It's got a 24 minute read time which is pretty big for Wattpad but not for the genre.

The imagination that went into this (and detailing) is impressive to say the least. I think anyone doing a read-for-read with this title will be pleasantly surprised with the plot. It's got a story, a good one, and it's got a lot of meat on its bones.

By far, the best thing about it is the pacing. It knows to keep moving. Give info and keep moving. Give tension, and keep moving. Give hints and even, dare I say, some fan service...and keep moving.

So why did I hate it?

Because I liked it.

Hating and liking something we read is a VERY fine line. We can start off with utter love and it wind down to hate, but rarely can we do the opposite.

I started off with love so I'm going to be upfront about this story. It let me down.

It gave me everything and more that I'd ever want in a romance. I've watched enough K and C dramas to see the set up a mile away (and I didn't care. I loved that setup.).

So why am I acting like your book shot me in the knee?

Because it might not have shot me in the kneecap but it certainly shot me in the back.

The writing isn't perfect. It relies HEAVILY on FILTER WORDS, ADVERBS, and poorly punctuated DIALOGUE TAGS and even that was okay. It was still a good story.

(Get to the point already) you're thinking. Good. Brace yourself for it.

Here goes.

I loved your MC's, both the guy and the girl, and hated (with the passion of a dying star) EVERY other character.

It's like I went to a wedding and EVERYONE'S wearing white. The cousin, the sister, the guests. Everyone's got a wedding dress on. Everyone gets a wedding cake to cut. Everyone gets to hold the mic and talk about how they're so happy to be having this special day. While I'm in the back, scratching my chin, asking, Who is the bride? Who is the groom and why should I care what any of you other NON-MARRYING background characters think?

Because there were so many POV (point of views) vying for my attention, they became obstacles rather than assets. I have to hear about how hunky Kieran is from two random women who I don't care about, who probably won't EVER come back into the story and even if they do, there were so many names thrown out in this one chapter alone that I've already forgotten who they are.

Then I'm introduced to the cousin (who has a valid reason to be named and given some screen time, but she's not entitled to any time devoted to WHAT'S in her head), she's wearing a white dress too, stealing the bride's thunder. Then we go to the groom's family and he has not one, not two, not three, but four siblings (or more), and guess what, THEY ARE ALSO getting their 15 minutes of fame and insight.

I kept scanning around, scanning the sea of white dresses and ugly tuxedos, desperate to get back to the main couple who we all came for, to get close to them, only to be blocked each and every second.

So I gave up. Just when I was about to leave this story, as angry as I could, the MC's were back, in ONE POV (thank the writing GODS) and it was a tender moment again and I was drawn back in.

The final scene was very nice. In fact everything about the story is nice, except the fact that we are in too many different heads, (and everyone's determined, DETERMINED to let us know how cute/handsome/adorable/funny/sweet/charming THEY are).

As readers, we don't care.

There is only ONE bride, and ONE groom, and MAYBE the POV of a bad guy, but they are the ones who should be taking us through this story. If the women are talking about the Kieran and his brothers, why can't Kieran HEAR it? Thus keeping the story in his POV. All the times Elena is with her sister or cousin, why can't we stick to HER POV only? She's the focal point. Right?

There are too many voices pulling us this way and that.

The scenes themselves are fine.
The pacing is fine.
The story is fine.
The mystery is fine.
The cat and mouse aspect is believable and VERY fine, but as I sit to enjoy these two, others are shoving their way through, photobombing the moment and I'm left feeling beaten and betrayed.

Prologue?
None.

Does this need an edit?
Yes/No. There are some dialogue tags, comma splices, and fragment. The plot is well established but the head-hopping is too jarring. Reducing it to only TWO POV (one at a time) would make a world of difference.

Would I read on?
Yes. It has...
A. the clear conflict
B. hints of what's to come (quest, adventure, romance, power struggle)
C. a clear possible solution for the MC
...but with the HEAD-HOPPING, I wouldn't be too eager to jump to the next chapter.

If you found this review useful, please give this book a shout-out. It brings more eyes to it and goes a long way. Please consider adding your book to the "Speed-Dating Books" version of this book where others can get a sample of your work quickly. That service is also FREE.