'Sometimes we have to sacrifice our youths in order to let people live.'
Tulia Byrne has been a Queen for longer than she could remember. Her story begins so carefree and so full of love and yet by the end of it you'll be wondering if you even know...
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14th March 1566
The Leon's and I had tea together today, it was a nice relief seeing them. Individually they have come to see me every day since Charles announced the annulment, but it had been a long time since I have enjoyed a good meal with people whom I love.
I forgot how good it felt to smile, the time spent without it has taken a toll on my body. Catherine says I look older now, more tired that I have ever done before. Her words, however hurtful they may seem, are the truth. I need to be happy, or I fear that I will not survive this child.
Gwendolyn has been so excited for the prospect of her first child, much more so than I. For her, the idea of a child is exciting and fun, forgive me lord but the only thing that comes to mind when I think of children is death. I fear that this time I will not be so lucky.
She has two names that she is fond of, I myself, think they are beautiful and fitting for the newest edition of the Leon family. Elodie Cecilia for a girl, and Louis Nicholas for a boy. God Knows if Lorent had a choice in these names, but I am certain he would follow her with whatever she chose.
Baby names are not easy to choose, especially if your child is going to be royalty. The only names I have are Isabella Erza or Cillian James. My daughter can be her own name sake but I must name my son after the two men, who without them, I would not be here. Cillian Byrne and James Stuart.
I sent Mary a letter last week, pleading for her to be in Ireland as the due date of my child's birth draws nearer, If I am to die, she needs to rule in my stead. Harry is not old enough and Elizabeth would hold it against him. I have no doubt that Mary would return my country to him when he is of age, she has no right to it as she does England.
The letter I received from her this morning has filled my heart with nothing but worry. She herself is with child! As much as I am excited for her, it means that she is in no fit state to travel, she offered to send Darnley but I do not trust him as I do her. I should not be stressed as much as I am, but I cannot help the fear that I feel when I think of the future of Ireland. Lord be kind.
At my lunch date today, Alix expressed her resentment towards marriage. When the Leon's first arrived, I promised that I would marry them into money and status but she has refused every offer that I have ever made. Alix's closeness with one of her friends at court answered every question I had, I only wish I was allowed to marry them together, but in the eyes of the people and the lord, it is sin. At least under my rule she will be able to live in peace with whomever she desires.
Hal does not hold the same views as his sister, he wants to marry for love. He is not opposed to arranged marriages but he firmly stated to me that he wishes to get to know the person and come to love them before they are officially married. He told me that he would not be able to live with himself if he broke someone's heart in the same way that Charles has broken mine. When asked if he opposed the actions of Charles, he cautiously answered that you should not fight the love you have for someone, but you should always be respectful of a person that you are tied too. Hal is a respectful man, I wish Charles was more like him.
The youngest Leon lord has refused to marry until the business with England and France is over, if Charles is true to his promise, Hal will be posing as the King as a distraction whilst my forces take Wales, but of course that suggestion hangs by a thread as of now.
Little Anastasie is well on her way to becoming a woman now, sometimes I forget that she is not the tiny little thing that dragged me through the village to meet her mother and siblings. With her being Catherine's ward, I was dubious of her outcome as a Lady. She has proved me wrong on every level.
I proposed the idea of marriage to Ana when we spoke at the dinner, to my surprise, she already has plans. Catherine has proposed the idea that she could marry her youngest son, Prince Hercule Francois, or as he is more commonly known as, Prince Francis.
The boy is three years younger than Ana and is littered with small pox scars that do not help the hunched look of his deformed spine. Upon receiving the information, Anastasie was not shocked, the girl simply did not care. She firmly stated that she wanted to meet him first, she would not send him away just because of his looks. The youngest Leon would hear no more on the subject after what had been said.
All of the Leon's have an honour that most will never have.
13th April 1566
Twenty-Three years I have been on this earth, and never before have I been so disappointed at the prospect of having to live another one. I don't wish to die, I just don't particularly wish to live either. Not in this situation anyway.
Charles has gone away for my birthday, any other day I would be happy, but he took Nicole with him so forgive me for not being delighted. I hate him, and I hate her too. Perhaps I am being vain, but I am not fully convinced that Charles wants to end our marriage for the reasons he stated, I feel that she has something to do with it. There is no way that I am the only problem.
I intended on spending my day with the boys today, but my plans were foiled before they even began. Henri had knocked on the door before I had even finished properly getting ready.
He brought me flowers and invited me on a walk, he has done more for me on this day than my husband has ever done for me in our five/six years of marriage. By doing the bare minimum he has raised my opinion on men, I now only dislike them as opposed to the hatred I had for them last week.
But alas, I got a lovely present from my dear husband. He has decided to change his request to the Vatican and ask for a divorce over an annulment. How very thoughtful of him, I do not believe he could have been kinder. If people in the future ever read my diaries, I do hope that you can read the sarcasm.
On our walk I nearly fainted. Henri would love to express the idea that it was because of his looks, however, this is not the case. More so his words were the reason.
He wants to marry me.
The fool wants to marry me.
The Prince wants me to write to the Vatican before Charles has the chance, requesting for them to support the divorce and allow me to marry him instead. He kissed me after that. This time I enjoyed it.
God help me, I feel like sinning.
AN- IT ALL KICKS OFF IN THE NEXT CHAPTER AHAHAHAHAHAH OMG
Also- in two or more chapters time, your gurl T is going to make her first move against Elizabeth
I've structured an update schedule so you should get them more frequently now!
Depending on if I get it done, I'll probs update again tonight or tomorrow!! (Ireland time)
The reason this one took me so long to write is because I wasn't even sure what I wanted to write about :( But I decided diary entries were the best fit! I'll treat you to a long juicy chapter next ;)
