Fluorescents

81

" Then in the morning,
I'll be here"

Our fingertips lay flat on one another, the butterflies in my stomach fluttering as he pulls me closer and intertwines my hand with his. The soft music plays in the background, his shoulder above mine and under my neck as I nuzzle closer into his chest. The strong aroma of sage and sweat filling my nostrils as I desperately try to get closer, almost as if i'm attempting to crawl under his skin. My admiration for this man has grown stronger than anything I had ever expected or experienced before. With each passing day and each passing headache I fall deeper and deeper in love and into his trance. Im well aware of his cruelties but i'm even more aware of his little pieces of heaven that he delivers to me. Like the way he speaks to me when he's afraid of losing me or the way his skin feels against mine or the scent we manage to make together or the way his tongue fits against mine and molds into my mouth perfectly. I love him. More than I ever thought I could love a human being.

" I was young." I start, the sensation of Alex's breathing against the back of my neck stopping as I begin to speak after what seemed like hours of radio silence in the bus. " I was too young to be dealing with something like that."

" You don't have to tell me if it's too overwhelming love" He reassures me, rubbing my arm as we stare at one another. I nod my head, biting down on my lip in thought.

" I want to." He nods his head shortly after and I proceed. " My uncle Slick was my best friend, he was everything to me." He nods his head as I speak, taking in every word and developing sentence and manifesting thought and memory. " I was only 13 when I ran from my parents little suburban apartment and went on the road with him. It took me all about 3 1/2 days to convince my parents to let me do homeschool but at that point they didn't have much of a choice as I was already half way across the country on this worn down brown band van that I now realize always had a check engine light on." We both laughed lightly at the thought and image of a young and reckless me. Someone so different. " Slick almost dragged me out by my legs when he found me snuck into the back seat, sitting next to his bandmates random groupies." We both giggle again, " But he let me stay when I promised to behave and he took care of me. And I let him down. I did the opposite. I put him right in harms way." I exhale, tears beginning to prick the ends of my eyes. Alex begins to wipe my tears and butterflies mold in the pit of my stomach at his gentle caress. " Thank you." I sniffle as he smiles down at me, kissing my forehead before I continue again. " I traveled and lived with him for some time but of course I grew and developed and when I was about a week out from turning 15 I met Brandon Melchi. " I roll my eyes, picking at my peeling cuticles before I continue. " he was a friend and a volunteer stagehand of some guy in my Uncle Slicks band and he started tagging along once they started getting booked for more shows." I exhale, poor memories of an ignorant me playing through my head. " He was almost 5 years older than me and because I was an idiot I was completely infatuated when he began to show interest in me." I scoff and pick at the tearing corners of the comforter seams. Alex shifts uncomfortably in his spot and I continue in hopes to move through the story as quick as possible. " It took him about a week to convince me he loved me and only 30 minutes after that to convince me to let him take my virginity." I shrug my shoulders, " I was stupid and young and he was a fucking pedophile but he was what everyone would call then a struggling artist and what I call now a fucking loser so I went along with it," I scoff at my own expense, at this point completely spaced out. " I kept it hidden from my Uncle Slick as long as I could but one day he walked in on us in the back room of one of his shows. The moment that happened I begged my a uncle Slick for 3 hours straight to not call the cops on him and I promised him i'd stay away from him." I exhale, looking down at my lap and closing my eyes as I move through the story. " I lied." I bite my lip, holding back tears. " Brandon was a cokehead, he got me into it one time during one of the shows a couple days later, Uncle Slick finally kicked him out and tried calling the cops once he saw I had lied to him. But I backed up Brandon and told them we hadn't done anything sexual and uncle slick was too dirty himself to get him in for drugs so they went their way." I shake my head, disappointed in young me and my actions. I suck a sharp breath in as I near the end. "Shortly after some cokeheads came looking for Brandon. He was nowhere to be found. But you know who was?" I say practically between sobs at this point. " He killed my fucking uncle. He groomed me, raped me and killed my fucking uncle." I nuzzle into Alex's chest as the sobs that I've been holding for years seep through me.

" You're alright now." he rubs his hands up and down my arms as I nuzzle more and more into him. My tears flow freely and I feel a thick knot grow in my throat. " You're okay now sweetheart." His voice sounds hoarse and breaks as if he's struggling with himself and potentially crying.

I eventually stop crying, my heart sinking in my chest and mucus building up in my nose. Alex giggles at my own expense and I roll my eyes playfully before getting up and heading to the bathroom of the bus, cleaning myself off before crawling back in bed with him.

" Thank you." I whisper, nuzzling into his chest as he nods his head and kisses my forehead. We don't say much after that, both of us drifting off into sleep.

Sorry for the wait and the short chapter, I moved across the country impulsively a couple months ago and I haven't stopped living. Double update this week on friday? Idk if anyone's still reading but might as well