Fluorescents

39

PSA: LOVE TRUMPS HATE

" That's why I need a one dance, got a Hennessy in my hand."

The familiar ringtone comes from inside the bunks and I watch as the very familiar man pulls out his phone, the light illuminating his model like features that had slightly intrigued me before.

" Yeah?" He asks, looking down at the petite figure in front of him. " What's up?" He questions the other person on the line that clearly interrupted him. His fingertips trail her bicep and she giggles, watching him. I stay quiet behind the curtain and simply watch everything unfold before me. " Ugh yeah sure whatever I'll be down there." He groans before putting his phone away and beginning to talk to the petite figure in front of him. " I gotta go, they need me to deal with the fans." He rolls his eyes and she whines before pulling her face forward and giving him a lingering kiss.

" Or you could stay in here?" She suggests using her fingertips to trail his bare chest. He looks down at her before moving her against the bunks and kissing her once again, lingering longer than necessary. " Come- on- Derek- stay!" She squeals like a child in between their make out session, pulling away from him to speak although he simply goes for another kiss seconds later. " Or what do you want to see that other bitch?" She states pushing him away and standing up, going into the bathroom and slightly illuminating the bunks using the light source from in there. I watch him roll his eyes before reaching for his pants and placing each leg in one by one.

" Come on- don't be a drama queen Lauren." He says as Lauren steps out with only a bra and panties. My mouth stays shut and I continue watching and listening as they speak of what I'm sure is me. " You know that it's not like that." He tries to comfort her but she simply rolls her eyes and goes back into the bathroom, the sound of her changing and rummaging through clothes loud enough for me to hear.
" You know I'm really just talking to her-" he goes on but she interrupts him before he can finish.

" yeah yeah, I know, 'I'm just talking to her so I can get back at Alex for hurting my sister for so long''" she mocks him as she steps out of the bathroom for a second with a new shirt on before stepping back in. Derek sighs in his spot and runs his hands down his face, clearly noticing her unamused behavior. Both of their faces look agitated once she comes back out but they don't speak and simply stare at one another's unamused facial expressions. If only they could see mine.

I try to hold in my emotions but they get the best of me as I run out, not bothering to close the door behind me as I run towards the venue. Several fans gaze at me and think I'm running towards a member but eventually the security calms them down after opening the door for me and letting me in. I rush away from the main floor and make my way to the bathroom, my breath and rustled thoughts clinging onto me as I run.

Once I step into the bathroom I lay on the ground and stuff my head in between my knees. I'm not upset at Derek or even disappointed. I've learned to not expect much from people. I'm disappointed in myself. In the fact that I've gotten to this point again. To this point of letting others toy with me. It's absolutely tragic. I pull on my hair and reach for my phone in my pocket, ready to call Matt, although when I stuff my whole hand in my empty pocket my heart stops. I must have left it on the bus. I groan at myself and stuff my head in between my knees again, gazing at the tiles on the ground as time passes by. Voices are heard from the outside, maybe even Derek's, but I drown them out as my thoughts rustle between the branches in my head. This tour has drained me in ways that I never thought it would. I had been uneasy at the start but I never even imagined that my emotions would be toyed with so much. Uncle slick would not approve of what I've done since he's been gone. The way I've allowed so much men entrance into my mind, body and soul. He always lectured me on carrying myself with respect and knowing that I was worth so much more than I thought. Yet here I am, drowning in misery in a venue bathroom that's probably completely filthy. My eyes gaze at the tiles as drops of tears begin to land on top of them like rain down on a plain. I don't sob or even sniffle, I just stay silent watching each drop fall down and land on the tiles.