Fluorescents

35

" I wish you were a stranger, I could disengage."

Clair's music plays as me and shay step onto the bus, exhausted from tonight's show. We werent by the barricade tonight due to Shay saying she wasn't feeling well but she did run off a lot during the show. I didn't question her or anything in order to respect her privacy but I doubt she would have told me anything. She's been almost completely silent. For some reason I can't help but feel paranoid and correlate her and Derek's talk earlier with her current behavior. It just seems too coincidental.

" That was a wild show." I huff in my spot as I lay down on the lounge area. She turns to look at me for a second with a clearly fake smile before looking down at her feet, not bothering to sit down on the couch with me. I look around at the bus in efforts of trying to relieve the awkward tension moving throughout it.
" Christo's band did such a good job." I turn to look at her hoping to brighten her mood but instead I catch a glimpse of what seems to be her flinching at the mention of his name. Her chest extends out, taking a deep breath before she nods her head and fakes another smile.

" I'm just gonna get to bed." She blurts out quickly looking at me for a second before looking down at the floor again and rushing off. She can't even look me in the eyes and my heart aches at the fact that there's something deeply wrong with her. I want to intervene and see what's wrong and hopefully help her but something is holding me back, telling me to mind my own business.

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" Just turn it on real quick." I tell a crew member and shortly after he does so and turns on the panel of lights. I step away from the panel and look at it from a short distance away. One of the sections on the panel doesn't turn on and I groan in my spot before reaching for a screw. I find the set of bulbs thats section isn't working and shortly after Jack approaches me as he notices my worry.

" Is everything ok?" He asks and I turn to look at him before gazing back at the partially broken panel. I huff in my spot and shrug my shoulders before using my hands to cover over my face. I groan lightly before removing my hands and gazing back at him. " I'll go see if we have some other bulbs in the bus." He kindly offers and I mouth a quiet thank you before gazing back at the panel and trailing deep into thought. My guilt from being rude to jack starts to surface and I can't shake it off. My stress level has been at an all time high and I can't help but be rude towards the others surrounding me. I've always been able to handle any problem that's thrown at me and I usually always get through it even if I'm stressed but I can't do it. Tomorrow we arrive at Chicago and I'm terrified to be back there. I haven't been there since my 18th birthday and I hadn't planned on going back. During Cages tour last year I asked for a small break and I was able to go back to LA before we arrived there but this time it'll be different. This time around I'm the stage manager, not just an assistant. Part of me wants to fake an illness and go home last minute but I know I can't do that to myself. I have to prove something, not only to myself, but to my uncle slick.

" Have you attempted to move the bulb around." The familiar husky British voice comes from behind me and shakes me away from my deep thoughts. I stare back at him and catch a glimpse of his black jeans and silver belt before staring away and gazing down at the floor. I hear him shuffle in his spot but I don't bother to react and I simply stare at the lights in front of me. He kneels down next to me but I keep my attention on the lights, ignoring him even though I want nothing more than to react. His hand shoots out and I watch as he wraps his hands around a bulb and his forearm muscles contract when he begins to twist it. He does this several more times until he gets to the fourth bulb on the set and the set of lights switch on. He lets out a quiet cheer before looking over at me then clearing his throat once he notices my unamused expression. I've been completely out of it and didn't even consider a bulb being loose as an option. I nod my head and reach for the screwdriver and bring it to the panel but he takes it from me before I can connect it. " I've got that." His arms shoots out towards the panel and I watch as he screws it back. I don't bother to fight back at the fact that he's stealing my job, as if I'm incapable, so I just stay put and quiet. " There ya go." He sing songs, his usual husky voice having a sweeter sound to it, before getting off his knees and wiping off his pants.