Fluorescents

60

"Sometimes I wish that we could
      all forget"

Christo sings, my feet moving me up the stage and behind it without thinking of the fact that I'm interrupting an ongoing soundcheck. Christo's singing stops shortly after and Derek's familiar voice calls after me once but I don't bother reacting and he doesn't bother calling for me again as I make my way back stage towards the main dressing rooms. My feet carry me swiftly as thoughts run through my mind.

My heart aches against my chest but I swallow the lump in my throat. Her heartbroken expression flashes across my view and I bite down on my lip. Once her fragile voice broke and she began to cry from behind the wall I decided to leave. Barging out and making my way back to the venue, guilt clogging my breathing and thoughts buzzing from inside my head. After being able to hear him call her Alex and taking in her comment about her piece at the museum I was able to come to the conclusion that he had pretended to be someone he wasn't. I knew from his formal attire and calm demeanor that he couldn't possibly be an artist.

" Alex open the door!" I shout before I can even begin to pound my fist against his dressing room door. I lift my hand to knock after several seconds but stop myself, baffled by my behavior and confused as to how I even got here and for what reason.

The door begins to open from in front of me and my eyes reflexively move around as if I'm subconsciously searching for someone to be inside with him. Once the door is fully open I look up to catch him gazing down at me before looking behind him and into the empty dressing room. I open my mouth, hoping to respond but ultimately staying silent. He runs his hands through his hair and shuts his eyes in an unsettling manner. I open my mouth to ask him what's wrong but before I can he reaches for my wrists and pulls me inside with him. I'm taken aback by his sudden movements and jump in my spot as he shuts the door behind us. I open my mouth to yell at him but before I can he speaks.

" Where did you run off to this morning, sweetheart?" he asks me in a deep and serious tone, making his way to the counter and leaning against it as he gazes at me. I scoff in my spot and open my mouth to go off on him but before I can he stops me and raises an eyebrow at me, the simple gesture keeping me from going against him somehow. I'm appalled by his calm question but I push it to the side and do my best to cover over the fact that I was really furious over him being with Shay. Knowing him he'll find a way to use my agitation against me. Although I can't exactly comprehend why I reacted so powerfully I knew he was still talking to her. It didn't exactly surprise me when I saw her texting him, surely after they spent their time together. But I just can't explain the turmoil that runs through my head from the thought of them being together. It's vile. He shouldn't be with so much people at once. He should have his boundaries and keep himself clean and at least have the decency to stay with one person.

" I- you fell asleep so I just left." I shrug, clearing my throat and tugging a piece of hair behind my face. I look up for only a mili-second before quickly looking away, his burning gaze already set on me.

" You could have stayed." He mutters in a deep yet soft tone. I swallow a lump in my throat and look up again for a second to catch his eyes still set on me. I shake my head and shut my eyes, taking a deep breath before turning around and avoiding his gaze. He shuffles in his spot but I fail to hear the sound of his feet stepping against the hard floor. "Sweetheart-" his hand grazes my forearm and I move away, turning back around and looking at the floor in front of him as he takes a step away from me.

" I just-" I sigh finally deciding to speak but not knowing what to say. " I'm- I'm just-" I groan, running my hands through my hair and stepping around the compact room with many thoughts but little to say.