Fluorescents

71

" Do you still feel younger than you thought you would by now."

he sings to me, his eyes wistful and full of color and a slight glint burning into the corner of his iris. My fingertips trail his cheekbones, his skin so soft underneath mine that I cant feel it at all.

"  Or, darling, have you started feeling old yet ." he continues serenading me with words of pure bliss, every lyric penetrating me in the chest and in the pit of my stomach. His eyes dance around, moving from looking at my lips, to my eyes, to my cheekbones and around corners of my face i've never even bothered to pay attention to on myself, let alone anyone else.

" Don't worry, I'm sure that you're still breaking hearts ." the words flow so swiftly and beautifully from him, the nature of his voice so raw yet so devine. My heart beats against my chest as I succumb to the beauty of the love I have for him. For the way he looks at me, the way he touches me, and the way he seeps in through every crevice of my mind that's left empty.

"  do you still think love is a Laserquest ." each lyric spins my mind and body forward, pushing me to only feel each and every emotion more than seconds before. " Or do you take it all more seriously ." I love this man. More than I have ever loved another human being. And so much more different. There's no facade, no deteriorating hope or resentful detachments. There's no bloody noses lined with white powder, no painfully loud music or sweaty lifeless bodies under sheets. It's me and him, a vindicated sight of innocent love. I open my mouth to speak but the music once playing in the background has now completely faded and so does every other noise within what I thought was a room but is now a dark endless engulfment of lifeless color surrounding us. I try and speak, but my moving mouth can't release a noise. My palms and back grow sweaty as i push myself up from the bed, something pulls at me and I look down to watch as my body seeps into the sheets, my eyes moving up shortly after in hopes of seeing Alex but instead a separate familiar figure stands in front of me.

" Why'd you let him do it-" he speaks, his words coarse and groggy, nothing similar to the voice he had when he was alive. " It's all your fault-" he speaks again, my body no longer visually seeping into the sheets but a cloud of pressure building up against me, drowning me. " You had to let him in-" he speaks, my mouth opening, in hopes that i can scream. But i can't, my limbs push to move forward in front of me, reaching for him, but i can't. My body continues to sleep into the sheets once again and he fades from in front of me, my mind reeling and the sheets turning into warm warm water pressing up against me and drowning me. Filling my lungs and shaking my body.

" Jocelyn!" a voice shouts, my eyes blasting open as i push myself up by my palms, " Jocelyn sweetheart are you alright?" He speaks, running his hand along the side of my face and pushing my hair back. " You were shaking violently and sweating love," he tells me pulling me into his chest without giving me a chance to properly think or act against it. " You frightened me." he speaks, my mind remembering my dreams from what seems like forever ago now as i pull myself away and gaze into his features, now much different then within the dream.

" I-I-" I open my mouth to speak but nothing manages to travel from lips. His eyes look hopeful as he continues to peer into me, not bothering to look away from my own eyes or even blink. " Alex- " i finally speak, afraid to continue. He instantly nods his head and my heart aches in my chest from how attentive he's being in this very moment. I know i should feel butterflies or giddy but i can't. " Alex- did we sleep together last night?" I ask, not forgetting the events from last night but hoping that they were all a part of my sick dreams. He nods his head and I suck in a sharp breath, looking down and proceeding to watch myself play with the seams on the clean white sheets.

" Jocelyn- " he opens his mouth and I look up from the sheets and catch his gaze, my lips fumbling against one another at the sight of him. " Did- did you not want to?" He asks, his voice almost vulnerable. His eyes glint much like they did in my dream and i instantly look away, afraid of what will happen if I continue to look into them any longer than i already have. " jocelyn-" he calls for me again, seeking an answer that i cannot give him, not now.

" I- we- we probably need to get ready, " I rush my words, getting up from the bed and looking out into the large city landscape from the glass wall. A breeze brushes against every area of my skin and i look down to find myself completely bare.

Alex chuckles from behind me and I instantly turn around and cover myself with my hands as best as I can before I reach for the comforter and sheets on the bed, only before I can Alex works quicker and pulls them away from my grasp. I give him a deadly glare and reach for the undersheet but fail miserably as he flattens himself against the bed and makes it impossible to pull it from under him.

" Good try sweetheart," he chuckles, watching me with a smirk against his lips, only this time it doesn't seem to hold a sinister intention behind it. It's playful and full of life, just like his eyes as I continue to struggle to pull the sheet from under him.

" Alex please" I groan, utilizing every ounce of strength and muscle in my body to pull the sheet from under the bare chested handsome man laying on top of it.

" Ok fine." he finally mutters, my hands instantly letting go of a corner of the sheet and an exhale leaving my lips as I step back and wait for him to step off. " under one condition" he looks up at me, looking straight into my eyes as he speaks to me. I nod my head in an effort to motivate him to continue and he nods his head shortly in a mocking manner after in an effort to annoy me like usual. " You got to give me a kiss love," he retorts, my cheeks instantly turning a shade of pink. " Come on, you want the sheet don't you love?" he mocks, pushing himself down even more on the sheet and holding it under him in a fist. I roll my eyes and move forward, fully expecting him to reach for me and flip me over in an effort to have sex with me, but he doesn't. My face reaches his and instead of his now free arms pulling at my ass his hand reaches up and cups my face, his eyes wandering my face again as my lips hover right above his. " You're so beautiful." he mutters ignoring my bare breasts only an inch or two away from his face. My lips lower down to reach his and I suck in yet another sharp breath as he pulls me forward and places his lips on mine, knocking the breath out of me for seemingly the millionth time.

Our lips move slow and in sync as I relish in the beauty of our intimate moments. I'm not sure why i dreamt about Alex and my uncle Slick, all I know is that I love this man and it has managed to hurt me in a way that is unexplainable and desperate.

" Al-Ale-" I try to speak in between our make out session but his rough lips and the feeling in the pit of my stomach keeping me from making an effort to actually move away from him.  His lips feel euphoric against mine, the way his thumb rubs against the side of my cheek and his tongue dances and teases mine builds a feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that grows and grows until it weighs down into between my legs and tickles and grazes my heart with practically a butterfly feeling.

" I can't- " he mutters against my lips, "get enough of you" he finishes, running his hand along the side of my face and pulling my hair back into my ear.

" Alex-" I finally pull myself away and look at him, his glistening eyes staring at me as he continues to play with my fingertips with one hand and runs the other along the side of my torso. "I-" i start, not knowing at all where i'm going with my words.

" I don't regret it love." he states before I can even find any words. " Jocelyn I- " he starts but stops himself before he can get any further. I look up at him with subconsciously hopeful eyes. " I don't think I can stay away from you anymore." he claims, my beating heart slowing down against my chest. " Please-" he pleads, my mouth drying. " don't push me away"

A/N: GUYS I KNOW IT FEELS LIKE IT JUST STARTED BUT UM, FLUORESCENTS IS ACTUALLY ALMOST OVER😗

im sorrry @peoplewithkindness23