Fluorescents

26

" Cause it's too cold. For you here and now. So let me hold, Both your hands in the holes of my sweater."

The background music meant to entertain the crowd plays throughout the venue as my crew finishes setting up the Arctic Monkeys equipment. The crowd converses and shouts chants here and there as they wait for the main band's arrival. After Alex approached me and gave me his best "caring and supportive" act I kept nodding and reassuring him that I was ok. When I began to get annoyed by his stupendous acting Shay noticed us as she was wandering around and she approached us. Since then she's been by my side trying to be as supportive as possible even though I have done nothing to make them think they should be worried. I've been pretty calm about it all and I'm not worried. I simply just shrugged it off and tried my best to stay off social media.

" the crew will be done in about 5." A crew member approaches me and I nod before calling over another crew member.

" Tell Derek to tell the band that there's 5." I say and he nods his head before turning around and beginning to make his way deeper in the backstage area. I've been trying my best to continue avoiding both Alex and Derek.

" You ok?" Shay asks me as we stand backstage facing the stage. I nod my head and look towards the crowd, several occasionally turn to look my way but most of them are too busy anticipating the band or conversing with the fellow fans surrounding them. " Are you sure?" She asks rubbing my back. I laugh lightly before turning towards her and grabbing her by the shoulders before speaking.

" I'm. Perfectly. Fine." I tell her and her cheeks flush from embarrassment. I laugh lightly and turn away from her and gaze around backstage. The crew member from several minutes ago approaches me and I raise an eyebrow at him as he stands in front of me with a pained smile.

" We Uhm, we have a problem." He says and my eyebrows furrow. " With the band." He says and I groan before looking back at Shay.

"I'll be right back." I tell her and she mutters something while I turn to walk so I stop. I raise an eyebrow at her and an embarrassed look crosses her face again.

" Do you want me to come with?" She asks and I playfully roll my eyes. I appreciate her being so caring but I wish she would just understand that I am in fact perfectly fine. Yes I was overwhelmed and maybe even hurt for the first like five seconds but by now I've moved on.

" No, it's ok." I tell her laughing and she nods her head. I step away from her and begin to make my way through the backstage until I reach their dressing rooms. I knock on their door and no one responds for several seconds but when I go to knock on the door again I am stopped by the door winding open. Matt opens the door and I step into the room full with Jamie, Nick, Matt, Alex and Derek. I look between all of them and none of them bother saying anything.

" We have less than five minutes til showtime." I scoff and all of them but Alex groan. They revert their attention to him and my confusion grows tremendously. " What's going on?" I ask and all of them gaze towards me while Alex has his eyes fixed on the ground and his arms crossed over his chest.

" This fucking idiot doesn't want to do the fucking show." Derek scoffs gazing down at Alex who doesn't bother looking up and simply looks down at the floor with a clenched jaw and an enraged expression. I gaze at him and he doesn't bother reverting his attention away from the floor. " Mr. High and mighty thinks he can just do whatever the hell he wants just because he's the fucking lead singer of this stupid ass band and Im so fucking sick and-" Derek goes off and Alex stops him.

" Shut your mouth. We all know you could give a shit less about the trouble I cause for the band." Alex shouts to cover over Derek's voice, finally reverting his attention away from the floor and gazing up at Derek. He raises himself up from his chair and goes face to face with Derek before continuing to talk. " You just don't seem to fancy the idea that the women in your life always pry their legs wide open for me." I gasp in my spot and watch as Derek charges for Alex. Their bodies almost collide but Jamie reacts quickly, pushing Alex to the side as Matt and Nick try their best to hold Derek back. Derek's chest heaves up and down and the tension in the air grows thick quickly. Alex adjusts the collar of his shirt and glares at Derek with a devilish smirk while Derek looks like he'd rip his head off the second he got the chance.

" Get him out of here." I tell Matt and Nick when I realize that this room is much too small for as big of a confrontation that Alex & Derek will have. Matt, Nick and Jamie take Derek away and I stay back in order to try my best to convince Alex to do the show. Right now that's the best thing I can do, especially if I want to keep my job. " What are you doing?" I ask Alex with a scoff while shaking my head. The room stays quiet and his eyes stay fixed away from me and I watch as he stares down at the floor. I mentally pull at my hair when he continues ignoring me but I continue trying my best to stay composed. He wants me to get annoyed. These are the exact kind of games he enjoys playing. I look down at my phone and the time reads 8:00, the time their set is suppose to start. " Well, the shows starting now so I'll be outside." I tell him reaching for the door but before I can open it I am interrupted by the voice I was hoping id hear, but only sooner and with a different response.

" I'm not doing that show." He states as a matter of fact and I groan before turning around and staring at the man who's eyes are still fixed towards the floor and who's arms are still crossed over his chest like a toddler.

" Why are you such a child!" I exclaim out of annoyance. He shrugs his shoulders and I roll my eyes before pacing back and forth, biting down on my lip and drawing a noticeable amount of blood. " Is it because of how the fans mobbed Jamie, he said it happens all the-" I go on but he stops me.

" It's not about Jamie." He states in a deep voice that throws me off. I swallow hard and try to stay composed. The deep change of his tone sort of frightened me at first but I can't let him effect me, he's done that far too many times. What does he even mean? What else can it be? He seemed bothered by the mobbing yet claims that he isn't effected but it.

" Well then what is it?" I say laughing out of annoyance and stress. I have no more hate in me to act angry towards him. I've been completely drained for the day.

He turns to look at me and I raise an eyebrow
at him. He opens his mouth for a second before closing it and quickly looking away and reverting his attention back to the floor. I groan in my spot and lay down on the floor. A part of me, a small part, wants to leave and have someone else deal with him. But I can't.

" What are you still doing here?" He counters back my question with a question that I've been wondering as well. I open my mouth to speak but he interrupts me for the millionth time since I've known him. " And don't say it's because of your job." He says reading my mind." You're the stage manager. Your job is setting up the stage." My mouth hangs wide open but nothing comes out. Why am I still here? Why am I still trying? I take a deep breath and prepare myself to walk out but he interrupts me again. " If it's because of the other day-" He stops me and I stay fixed towards the door, my back facing him. " Don't ponder over it for too long sweetheart, I was hoping for a taste of what Derek was chewing on." my stomach lurches when the words leave his mouth but he doesn't finish like I assumed he would. " And I had just been wondering if you were as easy of a shag as I presumed you'd be." He says and my heart aches. Memories of when I was a naive 17 year old girl come flying back and it takes everything in me not to cry at the very instant the words leave his mouth. Why do I do this to myself?

" Well good thing you know now." I say trying my best to speak the words as dull and neutral as possible. Buts it's difficult, emotions and even my lunch from this morning feel like pouring out but I can't let them. I can't let him have the satisfaction. He always gets what he wants and I'm tired of everything he's doing to me. I'm done.

A/N: idk if y'all can tell cause there's so much chapters lol but the story is actually going by pretty fast if you think about how much days they've been touring....I'm just a slow and detailed writer lol sorry