A Brand New Day

Chapter 33

Nicks pov
I wake up holding Demi. I turn over and River's sleeping in a chair, but Meadow's gone. Immediately, I sit up and look around again. But, she's really not in the chair I left her in. Shit, how could I fall asleep? How could I let my guard down? I tuck a pillow next to Demi and go upstairs.
Immediately, I check the pantry but meadow's not there. I look around and everything looks in order, I think. But then again nothing has ever looked out of order before. I close the door. Then, I head to her room. She's not there but I hear the shower running in her bathroom. I knock on the doorway, "Meadow? Are you okay?"
I hear her sigh, "yeah."
"Okay, are you hurt?"
I hear her sigh again, "yeah."
I sigh, "Okay, I'm going to get mommy to come help you. Stay there."
"No." She says.
I just walk away back to Demi in the theater, "Dems." I say as I kiss her.
"Uh?" She whispers with her eyes closed.
"Meadow, is awake. She's in the shower, she's hurt. Can you go in there and help her?"
"Yeah." She whispers sitting up. "We need to talk, later." She says looking away from me.
I nod as she gets up, "Dems?"
"Yeah." She turns toward me but won't look at me.
I pull her into me and hold her tight, "I love you. You are beautiful."
She squeezes me, "Thank you, I love you too."
She leaves and I turn toward River. She has her thumb in her mouth again, which is new. I sit next to her and watch her sleep.
After about twenty minutes. I get up and find my phone, I snap a quick picture of her. Then I open my texts,
Bryan: hey, the hospital is discharging Marisa today. But she has to stay on bed rest for a week. I'm staying with her, but if you need us, please call. Dallas stopped by and said things got crazy at the house. She won't go into details but said it was really bad. Please, let me know if you need anything.
I reply: Hey man. Thank you. I am so sorry about everything. Please let Marisa know what we love her. We will have to see how this next week goes but as of right now we're on lockdown. We love you guys.
I turn my phone off as River begins to wake up, "daddy." She whines opening her eyes to look at me.
"Yeah, baby?"
"I'm so sorry." She whispers.
"For what?" I ask.
"Everything."
"I love you and that will never change." She looks at me, "yesterday was rough. That's good because that means that I we are starting to be honest with each other. I'm proud of you for that. It's going to be very hard, but we're not going anywhere."
She nods and looks at the wall. She then begins to cry, "I don't want to be crazy."
"You're not." I say grabbing her hand, but she snatched it away from me.
"I'm sorry" she sobs, "but don't touch me." 
"Okay." I whisper. We sit there in silence for a while. 
"Can you get momo for me?" She says sticking her thumb back in her mouth.
I pull her thumb away from her mouth and whisper, "yes, but your thumb has to stay out of your mouth." She looks at me confused and then at her hand. "Okay?"
"I didn't mean to." She whispers as her eyes well up.
"It's okay. I'll be right back." I get up and go upstairs.
I stop outside Meadow's door as Demi talks to her. "This is not okay. You have to stop hurting yourself. You are too beautiful for this."
"Shut up." Meadow snaps.
"Stop. You don't get to talk to me like that. Just stay still."
"You keep saying I need to stay strong and other bullshit. But I am staying strong but this is the only thing that helps."
"How is hurting yourself helping you?" I can tell by Demi's voice that she's trying not to cry.
"It just does. I'm done talking."
"No. Why are you doing this?"
"Get out. I'm done."
"Why are you mad at me?"
Everything goes silent, so I walk by and go to River's room and grab the monkey she asked for. When I pass back by Meadow's room, it's empty. I go back to the theater and Meadow is seated there next to River. "Since neither of you want to talk. I'm going to." Demi says.
"Both of you have hurt yourself. And I have too. But I don't think you understand how those scars are going to effect you later in life." Demi sighs, then she puts her hair up in a pony tail. "Nick, keep them here. I'll be right back."
I hand River her monkey and I nod, "okay." I say.
She leaves and I go over to Meadow and grab her bandaged arm. "Don't." Meadow whispers.
"Shh." I whisper as I lift the bandage. I look at her arm. I suck in a breath. "Oh, Meadow." I can feel my eyes burning from staring at her cuts so long.
Demi comes back in her swimsuit. She's already crying. "This is what you're body is going to look like." She says. "Look at me." She snaps.
Immediately Meadow looks at her, "mommy." She whispers.
River just sticks her thumb in her mouth again as she stares at Demi. I don't say anything. Demi just stands there practically naked all of her scars in front of their face. "You see this?" She says grabbing her thigh, "I had just finished camp rock. Exciting, right? No, I had been hurt." She steps forward and takes River's thumb out of her mouth, "like you Riv, and so I got drunk, and I was sad so I did this. You know why?"
Meadow just stares in shock. But River whispers, "because you could. It was the only thing you could control."
"Yep. This patch, my mom just told me I could see Maddie unless I went to rehab. These—" she stops while pointing at her wrist. She looks at me. "These..." she sobs.
"Those... are from three years ago. November 12." I sigh, "it was 5:23. One month after mason—" I take a breath as my eyes really well up. "After our baby boy died. She had completely shut down. She wouldn't eat or speak. To the point where I would pick at her to start fights just to hear her voice. But I had to go to the studio that day, so I left her alone. I had torn the house apart and cleared out all the alcohol and drugs. Or I thought I did." I let the tears fall.
"But I had a stash that he didn't know about. I was over it. I was over life. I didn't want to live. I used everything I had. Then I got my—"
"Stop, I don't want to hear this." Meadow whispers.
"No, you need to hear this. So, listen." I say.
"So I got my razor. My hands could barely hold it and I could barely see. I could feel my body, my whole body turning gray. As I pressed as hard as I could and then—" Demi sobs.
"Then I came home. Exhausted. When I came in the house I yelled for her and she didn't respond. So I looked around. When I opened the bedroom door, I thought she was sleeping. So I changed and I brushed my teeth. I later next to her and the bed was wet. I was so confused so I lifted the covers and..." I stop and take a breath, "there was so much blood. I thought how could she do this too me."
"That's what I said to Maddie." River whispers as she sticks her thumb back in her mouth.
"I immediately got towels and stopped the bleeding. I called 911, and—"
"They took me to the hospital. Like Maddie, I was on a suicide watch. I was miserable. I hated everything. But they kept me there. Then I went back to rehab. I got help." She takes a breath, "you see ... every time I look in a mirror I think if his I have to remember this things I did to myself. I hate myself because everytime I think I'm okay and I'm happy I see these and I remember how much I hated myself." She whispers. "These remind me of how low I was and I never want to go back to that place. But I hate the constant reminder. Everyone told me that I was going to have to explain them to my kids one day and I never believed them but..."
I nod to her, as I can see she is exhausted. Meadow and River just stare at her as she cries. Just then River burst out in tears. And we all just sit there in silence littered with sobs. Suddenly, River tears open the Velcro back of her monkey digs around in the stuffing and holds her hand out to me. "Here." She says. I hold out my hand to her, she drops three razors in my hand. I nod.
"Thank you." Demi whispers. "That was the biggest step. You don't know how much that means to me."
River sobs get louder, "Demi, I'm so sorry."
Demi steps forward and sits in front of her, "give me your hand."
River refuses, "I can't. I'm sorry." She sobs, "please don't be mad."
"Okay, it's okay. I'm so proud of you Riv. I'm not mad. I love you. Please fight this with us." Demi says holding out her hands to meadow and I. I take hers but meadow glares at Demi. Then meadow stands and looks Demi dead in the face.
"I don't know what you thought you were gonna get from me. But I'm not River. All of that meant nothing to me." She says as she walks away.
Demi gasps. River becomes hysterical as she fold into herself. I'm just shocked.
I think everything that I just shared really got to River though meadow says it means nothing to her. One out of two isn't bad. I sit next to River as Nick sits next to Meadow. I sigh. "I want Corrbin." River sobs eventually.
"I'll get your phone. You can call him."
She begins to shake, "he won't answer." She sobs.
I look at her. "Why not?"
"Because he needs space." She sobs.
"Oh." That's all I can say. With everything going on, I didn't think I would have to deal with her first heartbreak. I look over at Demi and I can see that she is thinking the same thing. We all sit there in silence. Before Demi gets up to change and I just wait with the girls.