Hana

For You Who Are Waiting For Me

Yuzuru

It's has been at least a month since I decided to stop thinking about Megumi. But now, I'm thinking about her again. I no longer feel the pain in my chest. But she's still in my mind. I stare at the picture we took together under the sakura tree this spring. What is she doing right now? Does she know what I'm thinking when we took that photo? I was thinking that I want to freeze the time and be with her at that specific time forever because I've never felt this relaxed and comfortable. Staying with her has no pressure, like her, soft, gentle, velvety, smooth, sweet, and dreamy. No media, and no pressure of skating. Her camera is the camera of love and not the camera of business, news, or even money. I like her camera.

The smile she wore in the picture is enchanted. A bright smile literally from ear to ear is everything that compliment her look. Her straight long hair as well, smooth and blowing in the wind.

Does she know that without the support of her, I feel like I lost the support of all of my fans? No matter how many presents I receive from the ice show, the pooh she sent me is always the most precious gift.

I let out a long sigh.

I open my computer to review the notification I receive today, and more than surprisingly, I have one message from her. The little sweet evil who tortures me deeply at my heart.

"Dear Yuzuru,
I know it has been a long time since I've talked to you. I really really miss you. I know perhaps you don't remember me anymore or you don't care about me anymore, but I want to let you know that I really really miss you and love you. From the deepest part of heart. I've been through some challenges that made me doubt my own feelings about you. However, I know clearly from my mind, I love you no matter what. Perhaps love is not even the word that can describe the feelings I have. Heart-broken-pain, I would say, is how I feel without you.
I'll be going to Japan with my friend in the late June. I know you have a ice show then. Do I have any chances of seeing you again? Hana? Please Hana, I miss you.
Megumi."

Megumi! How cruel are you?! Setting me a love letter like this after I made up my mind to focus on skating? How far do you want to lead me into craziness? Your letter is shattering my confidence. I put my hand over my forehand to let me rest before I reply her message.

"Dear Megumi,
Didn't I tell you to call me Yuzu? Meg, it has been 2 and half months since we've met. And it has been a torturing month since I lost tract with you. I'm busy with training with my new programs and performing in ice shows. I can say that the day that I've spent with you is the only day I have felt warmth and relaxation. I miss your smile and I miss your admiration, your love.
Yes I have an ice show in the late June. Please come if you can. I'll look forward to see you again.
Your idol,
Yuzuru Hanyu."

I press the send button, and here the message flew to the Meg's side.
A second later, there's a reply.

"Dear Yuzu,
I'll be excited to see your new program.
Meg."

"Meg,
I'll do my best to please you.
Yuzu."

There is still about 3weeks before the ice show, I'll have to boost my performance.

---
The next morning I head to the rink earlier than I usually do so that there are no one on the ice. I put on my skates, plug in my earphone, and play the ballade. I step on the ice, smooth as always, skate to the middle of the rink and I close my eyes. The piano started slowly and gracefully. I listen to every detail and flow of the music. The piano is like a Phoenix. But starting with a phoenix that is soothing from deep deep sleep. Gracefully, spreading his wings, waking the earth, and starts his fervent, animatic fly in the sky. But, instead of the fire from the Phoenix, the music sounds so much cooler and more calm.

I did not skate with the music the first time. However, the second time, my body moves with the music. My body naturally follows every beat and transition of music. From the tranquil opening to the frantic ending, there is so many details to interpret. The ending is a powerful, strong, and majestic.

After I finish, I hear clapping on the side of the rink. "Well done." Said Brian.

"Brian, I didn't know you were here." I plug out my earphones and stop the music.

"I thought no one was here as well, Yuzu." He laughs.
"Where did you know these steps and position? It's wonderful." Brian asks.
I hesitate before I speak. I don't know.
"Well, I mainly followed the original choreography, but I think..." I pause for finding the right word. "I think... My legs move by themselves because I know the music well." I smile at him.

"Wow. Yuzu, then, seems like you've found out the style you need in this program." Brian pats on my shoulder and hand me my towel in the bench.
"Thanks." I reply.

"Are you motivated?" Brian asks. "Of the ice show?"

"Yes." Oh yes, definitely motivated, for who is waiting for me there.