Hana

Chapter 17 Decision

Yuzuru

My heart pounds every time when I think of her. I can not bear the fire in my heart. Is the fire an anger of her non-royalty or the pure desire to get closer to her? Her name swirls in my world and I can not accept the fact that she left me that fast.

"Oh, Megumi. I have to breath hardily every time in order to get enough air. The 4 months until you will come feels like 4 years for me."

I imagine me talking to her in my mind. 

I kept wondering how can I fix the problem. She is afraid of me and she felt uncertain about our special relationship. The question mark is just getting bigger and bigger every time I try to think of a solution.

"Stop! Stop! Stop! Yuzu" Orser calls me. "Come here."

"I told you to do the steps, why are you doing spins?" He asks.

My mind is a utter of blankness. Even on the ice, I am spaced out.

"I'm sorry." I reply.

"Now do the spins for Chopin." Orser says. He pushes me on the ice.

Oh, no. I thought. I should be absolutely focus on the ice.

Spinning around and around makes me to have no other excess energy to think about the reason she left me alone. But she is still there in my heart.

"You need to put whatever struggle away and focus when you are on the ice." Orser tells me. " I thought you know this."

"Yes. I'm sorry, I won't get confused anymore." I reply.

I try to think about something else, such as, my English has improved and I started to have conversation with my coaches. This is a really encouraging fact for me to know.

"Hey Yuzu! Are you alright?" Javier slides toward me. "I see Orser talking to you over there." 

"Javier... I can't believe that I wasn't focusing on the ice."

"Wait. What?" He slide to stand in front me.

"I wasn't focusing."

"Yuzuru! Are you tired after series of shows?"

"Maybe a little bit."

"Or is it because her? What's her name again? I haven't see you smiling at your phone for a while."

"I don't know." I grinned at Javier.

"Bye, Tracy is calling me."

Steps are important for presentation and it is very crucial to make it smooth and clear. It is also the part in a program that can really shows emotion and skating skills. Chopin's music is fast and difficult to handle. I guess this can be a big challenge for me. 

A big challenge. A challenge for what? To prove myself that I got the medal because of my skills? And not because of a accident? 

That's it. If Meg does not want to talk to me anymore or even afraid of me, it means that she has her own reasons. I respect her decisions. It’s time to work.

"Are you sure?" I hear Hana murmuring in my mind.

“Yes. I am.”