Hana

Chapter 15 Impossible

Yuzuru 

"Come on, Yuzu, you are slowing down." Orser slaps on my back.

"Alright. Let me try again."

It has been a month since I started my new programs. The short program is really different from the last season that I can't really handle it well. Of course, the quad in the second half of the program is difficult. But where I stumble is the part of expression and the artistic part. Chopin is so difficult to express, unlike Gary Moore. The melody changes so fast and there is just a few seconds between a totally different mood. The ice show in June is coming soon and I have to make my program done, at least something done.

"Do you know the spirit of Chopin?" Hana speaks when I am trying to focus on the quad toe.

Pang I fell on the ice.

"Stop bothering me." I hit him in my mind.

"I'm helping you." Hana bumps my mind.

"Fine." I say.

"He is the poet of the piano." I response. I repeat what my mom told me to Hana and obviously, he is not pleasant with my answer.

"Yuzuru," Orser instruct me to go to him. 

I skate over to him and he tells me that I have to prepare for that entry into the quad a little earlier.

"Are you feeling alright?" He asks. "You are not doing very good since you came back from Japan. Are the ice shows too many?"

"No, I'm fine. There are some struggles I'm having recently."

"What struggle." Orser continue to ask.

"Nothing. Let me do that toe loop again." I end up the conversation and start to skate over the ice.

"Fine, I will help you to focus." Hana appears again in my head.

"How?" I murmur.

"Like this."

 And then I feel like I'm flying above the ice and my body is not heavy anymore from the sore of the training.

It is the perfect form of the quad toe loop. And I feel easy. I feel my feet again when I hear clapping from the coaches and Javier.

"It is the best jump you have been jumping these days!" Orser praises me.

"Hana, what happen?" I think in my mind.

"I took over your body. Since in some way I know Chopin and the program better than you do."

Really? I was taken over by my own mind? How was that even possible when I am skating.

 There has been no message from Meg for 2 and half weeks. I don’t know if she has some problem or she just doesn't want to talk to or even sees me after our awkward moment last time. I have send her messages but she just doesn’t replies me or even read it. I am worried about her. 

Everything I do reminds me of the time we had. The day when I took her around Tokyo and the dinner, the goodbye on the platform, the time we facetime nearly every day. I just feel that she forgets me that quick and I am feeling weird in my heart. I start to feel the need of Meg. Not as a fan or a friend, but as a person who understands me throughly, who can comfort me, take care of me. There is a sense of sourness in my mouth and it starts to spread upward to my nose and then eyes. 

“I need you. Meg.” 

“Yes?” A sound echoes in my head.

“Meg?” Finding her voice, I struggle to search in my own mind. After not hearing her voice for a long time, I find there are more sweetness and sentimentality in her voice. She sounds like she has been through a lot of agonizing things.

“Are you calling me?” She says softly. Her voice diffuses in the air and it is so intangible.

“Where are you?” I asks loudly.

“Taiwan.”

“Are you alright?” 

“No.”She responses. I am shocked by her answer and panicked.

I can not handle myself anymore. I give my prestige and the ego of being a medalist or even a person’s idol away and care about nothing anymore.

“Tell me what happened.” I shout to the air.

“I am afraid of you.”  She says.

Wait, Meg is afraid of me?