Hana

Shattered Mirror

Meg

It is not the first time that I hide myself away from Yuzu, but this time I have a positive reason. Last time, it's because I had problems with myself and Akira, and what I've learned from that experience is that I should never doubt my feelings for Yuzu again. My feelings for him are strong, determined, and focused. Once I doubt myself, then I'll break into pieces. This time is different.  I'm actually going to Shanghai to watch Yuzu compete! I've been planning this trip since I began school. This is the main reason why I asked Yuzu not to text me, so that I can hide my essence and to give him a huge surprise. Mom and Dad accepted my request again kindly but I have to promise to have good GPA . A high GPA is not difficult for me because I kinda ace every test naturally, basically almost everything I learn. I know I have failed before and it is because the failure was so painful that I told myself never to fail again. I've forgotten what my failure was, and it feels so distant yet so close to me now. No matter what it is, I do not want to think of it again. Going to China to witness Yuzu's first victory after the Olympics season is extremely important to ,not only him, but to all of his fans, including me. I feel like this victory would prove the power and the dominance of Yuzu's era in the figure skating world, and I think being part of the competition is crucial for me. I want to be there to share his happiness and let him know my happiness as well.

All the way from Toronto to Shanghai, I'm dreaming of seeing Yuzu standing on the podium for the gold medalist and singing the Japanese national anthem with all of his satisfaction and joy with my own eyes. I want to see his perfect skating and performance like the ones that I've watched in videos.

I know that Yuzu's having a lot of stress. The expectations from the media, other skaters, fans, and himself have pushed him to challenge the very limit of his own physical ability, but his aspiration cannot be shattered, especially that this is the first GP this season, after Olympics, and after his resignation of Finlandia Trophy. He is eager to prove his forté and his capacity of difficulty; and I am eager to prove myself as a diligent and advocating fan. Although I'm afraid to see him collapse from stress, still, I want to see him smiling with victory.

My head stings from pain when the plane takes off and I quickly take out the medicine and swallow it. It's really a bad time to have headaches! I hate headaches. I have to give a huge hug to Mom for preparing medicines for me when I go back to my home.
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I intentionally chose a farther hotel from the stadium so that we won't bump into each other during the competition. I also chose a seat that is not far from the rink but far enough not to notice me. Besides, I guess he won't be paying so many attention on the audience while competing. In order to let him finally know that I have come here to support him and to cheer for him after all, I have already told Nam about my plan while we were in school. Nam said that he would be more than happy to prepare a surprise party for Yuzu, so he agreed to say nothing about me coming to China to see Yuzu. I trust Nam for this job. We planned together that I'll show up in their hotel room and give Yuzu a big surprise when they finish the competition.

Without a doubt, his biggest challenge this season will be the quads in the second half of the programs. At first when I heard of his decision, I could not imagine how much pressure and damage this decision might cast upon his body, and although I knew how unprecedented this will be, I don't really wish Yuzu to skate it. I believe that this will give his body too much burden that he might injure himself. Even though having an injury may be usual for skaters, at least I know injuries can also cause long term effects without careful protection and recovery. I trust Yuzu, but I don't want to lose him. Of course, I did not let him know what I thought because I'm an outsider and I respect Yuzu's choice. I'm an outsider after all.

He popped his quad in SP into a triple and I saw his fatigue in his eyes once again last night. Although he's just only two points behind Maxim Kovtun, the ranking just somehow didn't delight me. Seeing him being in the second was a little uncomfortable for me who have never seen such a big and important competition before, and who thinks Yuzu is almighty.
Well, I guess it's all about today's free.
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The rink is chilly as usual and full of people as I imagined. I can hear Chinese, Japanese, English, and some other languages all around me as if I have entered a global society. Although I've went to ice shows before, this is a completely different story. The rink looks like as if it is nearly twice as big as the rink in ice shows, and the seriousness on the empty ice contrasts sharply with the excitement and expectations of the fans and audience. I found my seat in the middle of a row, and I squeeze through a line of presents, towels, bags, flags, and flowers to be able to sit down at my seat. Comparing me to other fans, I neither have flowers nor presents in my hand. Suddenly I feel a little guilty to be with other fans, and this guilt reminds me of my original thought that being able to stay beside Yuzu and tell him my feelings is a selfish act for other fans. I peek at a girl who sits next me with a pooh towel on her knee. Obviously, Yuzu's fan. Her bright, pink blushes on her cheeks, and her blooming smile represent everything how she feels toward Yuzu. She is like me. Everyone here is like me.
I don't know where it comes from, but an idea suddenly pops up in my mind: Do I have the courage or the confidence to tell everybody that I have been selfishly being very close to Yuzu for the past 2 months? I doubt my own confidence.
For the first half of the competition, I am clapping for skaters but I'm looking forward to see exceptional performance from Yuzu. My blood is boiling from excitement and expectation. Once the last skater of the first group saw his score, the camera focuses on the second group of men, and especially focusing on Yuzu. I scream out loud to let out some of my excitement. Although I know that he is staying focused, but I still wonder how can he maintain mental balance in this storm of cries. Yuzu takes off his guards, bends down to touch the ice, and glides quickly across the ice. His acceleration on ice exceeds every other skaters' and his agile and dashing movements conquer the whole rink with ease. His costume matches so perfectly with his theme and the black laces are like elegant wilderness, so mysterious yet translucent and somehow sad. Phantom himself is a sad character and Yuzu wins my heart once again just by wearing that costume. I stare at him with my heart contracting and relieving. Seeing him so focused and charming on the ice put a huge smile on my face.