Hana

The Point of No Return

Yuzu

In my faint memory of skating as Phantom in Shanghai, I have been searching for Meg.Of course, I was focusing when I skated. I fell on the 4S and 4T, managed to hold onto my flip and I changed my spins because of my injuries. After my spins, I had added all my emotions and feelings to my steps. I remembered that I was thinking completely about Meg before my Lutz. My music during this part is "The Point Of No Return" and I felt that I has passed the point of no return. I had no idea if I would ever be able to recover or to return to the healthy point that I was able to skate and jump, at least, successfully. On the other point of view, I could never rewind my feelings for Meg. Nobody could throw me back in the past to the point that I was being uncertain about my feelings.

After my Lutz combination, I fell on my Triple Axel. The pain in my chest and on my ankles failed my landing, but I knew that I had to move on. Even though I had started to gasp for more air and my body was fatigue, I still threw myself into the air to earn my points. I had to prove myself. I felt that my energy was being sucked out already once I landed that 3A-1Lo-3S combination. I leap into the air once again, but I wasn't able to stand up immediately like I once did anymore. I stood up as if I was dragging my legs. After the last jump, I thought that I couldn't stand up anymore. I was like struggling on a cliff with my sprung ankles hanging on the last twig on the cliff. I thought that I couldn't hold it anymore. "I'll wait." Her voice rings vaguely in my head. I looked up and in a blurred vision, I thought I saw her. I really thought I did." C'mon, Yuzu!" I told myself.

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"Yuzu, time to wake up." Mom shakes my shoulder gently.
Brian is right, I am feeling a lot of pain right now, and a flight from Shanghai to Japan isn't enough for me to have a complete rest.
"Argh..." I groan. After the free, Mom was angry with Brian for letting me to skate, but I told her not to be angry to Brian and that it was my idea nad determination to skate, not Brian's.
"Mom..." I speak without strength.
"Yes?"
"What do you think about my performance yesterday?"
I see Mom's eyes blink before answering. "Don't ask such question, my boy. You can never imagine my pain while seeing you skate with injury."
"I'm sorry, Mom."
"Don't apologize. It's not your fault." Mom grins bitterly. Mom's eyes are red from crying. I did not think of how she will feel me skate after the collision when I decided to skate. I don't want Mom to be so sad.
"No, Mom, I'm sorry for making you sad. It's my bad." I apologize genuinely. "I didn't think of your feelings."
There is gentleness in Mom's eyes and her expression softens when she hears my words.
"It's fine." She smiles. "You were very brave last night. I'm very proud of you."
"Mom..." I speak.
"Yes?" She gently replies.
"I guess that we won't go back to Toronto in some time, am I right?"
"I guess so. It will be better for you to recover in home than in Toronto."
"I see." I look up at the ceiling of the plane. "I could have meet her by tomorrow...." I murmur. "And now....."
"Yuzu, don't get me wrong," Mom says. "I think it will be better if you keep some distance with the girl."
"Who? Meg?" I ask.
"Yes."
The light on the ceiling of the plane blinks, signifying the passengers to stay seated and buckled.
Mom continues. "She's not your girlfriend or a member of the family." My eyes widen when I heard the word "girlfriend". " You should focus on yourself right now."
"Mom, she's my fan and my friend."
"My boy, you can't be unfair, if you treat Meg as the special one, how can other fans accept that? If you continue to have deeper relationship with Meg, you will definitely hurt her one day."
"I know!" I raise my voice a little. "I know... I know that very clearly." The tails of my eyes trail down.
"But I feel that I've passed the Point of No Return."

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After the Doctor and Nurses checked my body thoroughly and after all the treatment they gave me, I finally returned to my home in Sendai. The feeling of being back home and being away from the media releases my tension of anxiety. My tears pour down immediately when I see Saya and Dad. Saya bends her knee to the height of my wheel chair and gives me a tight hug. Her strength contrasts  with my weakness, but her strong arms remind me that she, and all of the family, is always there for me when I needed them. Yes, this is the power of Family and the feeling of coming back Home.