Secrets keeper

45 - Spring Break (6)

^^Madeleine Lee

Lillian's POV

"I came from school early that day because I wasn't feeling well... And I heard some noises from his room... When I went inside, I saw him struggling as his body hung with a rope around his neck." She went silent for a second as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I went to him screaming and tried to help him but I couldn't... I wasn't strong enough and couldn't reach him. Then his body went still... Lifeless..."

"Maddie you don't have to-"

"I called my mom crying like a baby and she came running, but it was too late. He was dead... And I watched him dangling there on my knees. If I was just powerful enough... I could have saved him."

"You were just a kid." My voice cracked as I controlled my whimpers.

"He lied to me... He told me he would be with me forever but when things got a little rough he left me... He said he loved me but does someone who loves you leave you like that?"

I shook my head, sobbing, and hugged her tightly.

"Ma-Maddie... I'm so sorry, I didn't know."

"The bright fairy world I used to see became black and white." She sniffed and cleared her face with the back of her hand.

"I didn't even shed a tear at his funeral and the remaining blacked out. My mom took me to a therapist." She scrunched her face. "And that a**hole wasn't helping just wasting our money, so after a few months I told my mom I was alright and there wasn't any need."

"How was your mom handling it?" I sniffed.

"Busy with her work." She scoffed. "As usual, and that made me angrier. The kids at my previous school irritated me a lot and I beat them up to let my anger out." She let out a dry laugh. "According to my f**k old therapist, I became unstable. So my mom got me homeschooled till junior high but there I also got into fights with boys who used to tease me and she had to move from our hometown to here."

"And then you met Jordan," I remembered Jordan telling me about meeting Madeleine.

"Yeah..." She chuckled. "He was a stupid, actually still a stupid guy and stubborn as hell. I gave him a really hard time, but he didn't give up and somehow I liked him, so we became friends."

"When did you cut yourself?" I asked in a low voice. She pulled her sleeve up and ran her fingers over the scar, over her arm.

"One day I got beaten by a few boys in junior high and I felt numb... The physical pain overcomes the pain inside of me and an idea came to my mind." She cleared her throat. "Whenever my feelings get overwhelmed, I cut myself and it made me forget about the grief inside of me."

"How often do you do it?"

"I'm not mad enough to do it regularly." She cracked up, but I remained silent. "Oh come on Lilly, stop being gloomy."

"I can't believe you're making a joke out of this," I said deadpan.

"Well, that's what I do... When I can't handle the situation, I make jokes or fight people, and when my feelings get too overwhelming to control..." She glanced at her scares. "I do this, but don't worry, I don't do it anymore." She beamed.

"That ones look new." I pointed at the long scratch and the skin was still red, showing it was done recently.

"I did it before you came raiding me." She growled.

"Why?" I asked in a low voice.

"Because..." She gulped. "I felt seriously terrible for stopping you from going out with Drew. Last night you looked so happy and it made me guilty that I was trying to control you and coming between your happiness..."