Little Freak (h.s)

Chapter 30

Congrats to our favorite boy for the two Grammy wins

Eloise 

Tour started so Harry isn't home. I'm here only with Jagger and I miss him like crazy. I can't remember how my life has been before Harry. I might sound so cliché saying this, but my life since I met Harry has been better.

I'm happy, I'm healthy and I'm in love. What else should I be looking for?

There are days that I'm feeling sad, that I cave in myself and I don't let anybody in. Even Jagger knows about those days. He is sitting by my side and he places his head on my legs to let me now that he is there for me.

My depression is playing games with me. There are days that I say to myself that I should stop going to therapy, because you know what, I'm happy. But, other days I feel like I need help like nothing else.

Last summer, these days were many more. This summer, on the other hand, they are a few. They happen the days that I stay too much with myself. I have this inner monolog and it doesn't shut up every so often. I try to make it stop, I try to put the monster to sleep but I don't always succeed.

Harry is only a phone call away. But I don't want to worry him. I know that if he knows that I'm sad, he is going to give up everything for me. He is going to come back here. He knows how sadness works. He, himself, is a sad person. Under all this smiley face and golden boy personality, there is so much sadness.

I will always remember our late night talking. He described me the early days of his career. He described me the pressure, the cries for help, everything. They didn't have a good time but they created some memories to keep the members close forever. They aren't friends, they don't talk everyday, they don't even call each other on their birthdays but they know that whatever happens they have each others back. Even Zayn.

I am packing right now. I'm going to go find him in Athens. It's his last concert tonight and tomorrow night we are going to be back together. I miss him like crazy. I can't wait to hug him again, to kiss him and to see him smile. I never expected to be so in love with someone. I never knew what real love is and I learned it with Harry. 

I went to a few concerts, some of them alone, others with his mum. My favorite one I think it was the one in Paris. I went there with Anne and he didn't expect to see us. We have talked to Jeff, of course, and he knew that we were going to surprise our favorite boy. 

"Hurry, you two. The concert already started."  I hear Jeff says as we are walking as fast as we can through the corridors of the venue. 

"Don't worry, we have seen him perform once or twice." I tell him playfully, but only Anne appreciates my joke. Jeff sighs. 

"I know, El, but you know him. He will know that something is up if I'm not on my usual spot and he will get stressed." He is right. Harry gets easily stressed and it helps him to see familiar faces standing there in the crowd. 

A lot of his previous girlfriends did that, but my anxiety doesn't make it easy for me. It just make it worse and I end up crying in my bathroom if I get to socialize that much. I'm happy that for this one concert I have Anne with me. She is referring to me as her daughter and I couldn't be happier. I have a family! 

Harry is singing Golden and he is smiling watching around and listening to his fans singing his songs with their French accents. He has lived here for a while, he knows a little French and I told him yesterday that he has to speak on stage. He immediately declined my proposal because he isn't that comfortable with this language yet. 

Anne and I walk through the crowd and I hear a lot of young girls and boys saying our names. Anne is looking in front of her but I smile to them politely while greeting them. Their voices were enough for Harry to look at our direction. He looks at us, he first sees his mother and then his eyes lock with mine. He has stopped singing and he just waves at us, looking happier than before. He sends us a few kisses, only to receive even more from the two of us.