Not So Easy. Johnnie Guilbert × Reader

- ̗̀✎ Sorry, Not Feeling Well

(A/N: This chapter and most likely the next is going to be based on my personal story. It's going to be based mostly on mental health and Y/N (my) story on mental health and mental state.)

Y/N POV:

It had been a couple of weeks since the party. Tara has been trying to make smaller plans in hopes to bring me and Johnnie closer.

I haven't been feeling good. Or okay.

I have this feeling that I do want to hang out with all them and have fun, but then my mind corrupts into negative thoughts that bring me so low, I don't want to leave my bed.

Recently, all I feel is exhausted.

I get tired of doing things I love.

I feel like any food given to me isn't deserved.

I feel disgusting in my own skin.

I don't feel like doing anything.

I have this feeling in my heart, telling me that I want to cry, but tears don't fall. My nose doesn't even sting.

I have been so exhausted that I don't even want to get up to cut myself or take boiling showers.

Every time Tara asks, it's a no.

***
                  Oct. 17, 2023, 3:34pm

Tarayummyy: *Hey Y/N*
                           *Want to come over?*
                           *Johnnie is heree*
3:34 pm
Y/U: *Sorry, not feeling well*

Tarayummyy: *oh, alr!*

                  Oct. 18, 2023, 2:56pm
Tarayummyy: *Y/N, we are going out to
                             eat tonight*
                           *You should come!*
3:02 pm
Y/U: *Maybe next time*

___

It was like that for a while.

Up until today.

***
                   Oct. 24, 2023, 4:32pm
Tarayummyy: *we haven't seen you in a
                             bit.*
Y/U: *haven't been feeling well*
         *sry*
Tarayummyy: *Did we do something?*
                           *Did I do something??*
Y/U: *Ofc not.*

Tarayummyy: *Me and everyone are
                             coming there.*
___

Panic rushed over me, but I didn't have the motivation to get ready.

I showered yesterday. It took a lot in me, but I finally did. The feeling of being dirty made me feel worse than how I felt already.

I didn't want to brush my hair, though. I didn't want to get dressed. All I wore were panties and a long t-shirt.

I didn't want to have to fake my emotions. That's something that drains me more.

I didn't want anyone else to see me.

I looked disgusting.

All my memories of my past came rushing through.

My suicide attempt.

My first heartbreak.

My friends who left.

My best friends suicide.

Everything negative consumed me, and I forgot all about the others coming.

3rd Person POV:

Y/N laid in bed, not caring about the others in the moment. All she could think about were all the negative events and emotions that overtook her.