Not So Easy. Johnnie Guilbert × Reader

- ̗̀✎ My Suicide.

(THIS CHAPTER GOES INTO DEEP DETAIL WITH A SUICIDE ATTEMPT. SO

TW: SELF HARM, SUICIDE, GORE.)

Y/N POV:

~~~
I sat in the restroom. I texted a long paragraph to a group chat that contained all of my friends.

I knew my intentions, and I didn't want to leave without a proper and heartfelt goodbye. They all helped me stay longer, and they deserved an explanation and goodbye.

I sent the long message saying I loved them and how drained I have felt. I powered off my phone and left it on my bed.

I exited my room, heading to the bathroom to run hot water into a bath. As I let the tub fill, I went to the kitchen to grab a large kitchen knife. I headed back to the restroom.

I undressed down to my underwear and bra. I stepped into the tub filled with steaming water, one foot at a time. I slowly sat down, letting my body feel the burn.

I started off with small, easy cuts on my forearms, and each cut got deeper as I got angrier. I watched as the blood dripped into the water, leaving a red tint to the transparent water.

I took the knife to the center of my left wrist. I slowly pushed it into my skin. The pain was unbearable. All I remember from that moment was me going in and out. I think it was because of the pain.

So much pain over took me. I removed the knife and threw it out of the tub. More blood filled the bath. I lay in the tub of my own blood, feeling guilt and pain.

After a few minutes, all I remembered was panic and random blackouts. It was like someone was taking clips of the moment and showing me.

Suddenly, I hear panic, and not just mine, but of three males. It was my closest friends. I felt my own life blinking in and put, barely being able to show emotion to my friends fear.

I try to make out the words "I'm Sorry." I wasn't sure if I was successful, or I just convinced myself it was. But they didn't care for the apology either way.

I felt Xavier, my chubby white friend, hold a cloth to my deepest cut I placed on my wrist with pressure.

Then the last I remember in the moment was Cam, my thinner, black friend, lift me from the pool of blood and water.

I don't remember the ride to the hospital, getting dragged to an er with blood gushing from my wrists, getting the stitches or cast. I don't remember any of it.

All I remember after was waking up to bright lights and a TV that was off. After letting my eyes adjust, I looked around.

All the faces surrounding me were familiar except for one. The doctor.

My mom, Josiah, Xavier, and Cam gathered around me. Josiah had a thin figure. His hair was in dreads that covered over his face. He had darker skin that fit beautifully with his facial features.

Xavier was standing on my right, next to the doctor, Cam sat behind everyone with his hand near his face, my mom stood right next to me on my left, and Josiah stood next to my mom with tense shoulders and his arms crossed.

As my mom noticed I was awake, she hugged my face, crying. Cam stood up and walked closer. Before anyone could say anything, the doctor spoke his first words to me.

I wasn't listening to him, I only heard every other sentence.

Dr.: "You're lucky to be alive."

No I'm not.

Dr: "We casted your arm so it can heal properly."

My arm looked like a club.

Dr.: "We want you to agree to stay at a Mental Asylum for 14 days."

I finally started listening closely.

Y/N: "What? No, no, I can't do that."

To make a long story short, after me trying not to go and everyone else arguing with me to go, I finally just gave in.

I signed to agree. The two weeks were the worst.

~~~

I felt a sting in my nose, yet I didn't let myself cry.

Johnnie: "Do you still talk to those guys?"

Y/N: "Not really, we drifted apart after."

Johnnie: "I'm sorry about that."

I didn't respond. I didn't want sympathy.

Johnnie: "You really have a story. Thank you for sharing it with me."

I looked at him and smiled slightly.

Y/N: "I know you have a story like mine too. Are you okay with sharing?"

Johnnie looked at me and smiled.

Johnnie: "I don't think I really want to share my story again. I'm not much of a open person with people I know in real life."

I nodded. I understand that, and I think that was good for his personal being.

Y/N: "I understand that, one day though, right?"

I changed up my tone and smiled.

Johnnie giggled.

Johnnie: "Yeah, one day."

We giggled until it went silent. I sighed and lifted the remote.

Y/N: "Do you like American Horror Story?"

He looked at me, and his smile grew

Johnnie: "I love American Horror Story."

Y/N: "Then we are watching the new season."

I traveled around the TV and finally started the first episode to the new season.

We watched until the others were back.

^ 901 words.

I didn't really know what to write at the end, but boring chapter. I promise I will get the drama started soon ^