Need - Jude Bellingham

fifty

Ayodele POV:

Jadon and I were back sitting on the sofas, waiting for Kian and the mystery fucking guest to arrive.

"Just tell me who it is. Watch it be someone dead and you've gassed it for no reason," I continued to complain as he stood on it, only smirking in response- knowing how much he was winding me up.

"Just chill man. You need to stop wearing that jumper as well. I know whose it is, you're not slick."
I laughed at that, watching him crack a smile too.

"You're good though yeah?"
I looked at him confused before nodding.
"Sure? If you weren't you'd let me know?"
"Aw Jay," I teased, seeing him scrunch his face up.
"Shut up. Whatever then. Roll me one too when you do."

We both burst out laughing before a pillow hit his face hard and the doorbell went.

I ran to get it and to avoid him hitting me back and was met with Kian, Bukayo and Alejandro at the door.
"What the fuck? Ale don't you have training?" I asked, gassed but still confused. A train from london to manchester was at minimum three hours and he was still in education.

"Mate let us in," Kian laughed, pushing past me.
"Yeah good to see you too Dele," Bukayo said sarcastically, making me roll my eyes and give him a hug before he walked further into the apartment to find Jadon.

"I've got a few days off because our summer wasn't the full six weeks it should've been," Balde explained, pulling me in for a hug, "How is everything been?"
I smiled at the little grammar mistake he was bound to make before closing the front door and following where the other boys went, "Your english is getting better every time we talk."

"You're avoiding the question. Are you okay? The 'well-being', it is good?"
"It's good Jandro, don't worry."

-

"I swear to God-" Kian was in front of me, out of breath and trying to stop me from passing the ball as him and my brother were losing four nil to Alejandro and I.

I nutmegged him, jogging past his right side to retrieve it and take it down towards the goal again, hearing him groan and then collapse onto the floor in defeat behind me; only making me laugh harder.

The four of us had been playing for around an hour so once it was five nil we all had a break, banter being thrown back and forth.

"Kian you still with that Jasmine girl?" I asked since he hadn't mentioned his girlfriend in a few months now.
He shrugged, "Having a break innit?"
I spudded him, "Twinsss!"
He looked at me straight faced before bursting into laughter, Bukayo and Alejandro following.

"You know the group chats been so quiet since you guys beefed," My brother spoke, pulling a face, "None of the boys have heard from him."
I shook my head, "Nah don't tell me that, I'll be worrying about him. Jobe said he's been alright."

"He's not gonna snake Jude and make him seem like a little bitch is he?" Kian laughed, "He's definitely panicking."
"You guys will sort it out. If you talk, you talk. Neither of you should force it, times probably what you need," Ale said, disagreeing with the amusement in Kian's voice.

I sent him a smile before turning back to Kayo, "Have you tried to talking to him?"
He laughed, "Fuck no."
I groaned, sighing, "Well who has?"
"No one I'm close with."
"Then what do you mean 'nobody's heard from him'? Don't be cutting him off because of me, that's not gonna help things."

"Ayodele there's no way you think I'll be talking to him like normal after this. He-"
"He didn't do anything crazy. Both of us were to blame for certain things. The only reason i've been half okay with it all is because I've had you lot. He shouldn't be losing friends-"
"Ayodele."
"What if he needs to talk to som-"
"Ayodele I don't give a fuck."

I stopped trying to talk, my mood now having switched and a tense feel in the air as the other two watched our sibling argument awkwardly.

"He ain't been a good boyfriend to you these last few months, not even a decent one. You can't expect me to-"
I focused on my breathing, tuning out his words in an attempt not to start a big argument. It always seemed to go from one to a hundred when I got pissed off; usually resulting in me smoking at the end of it and so it's something I've been working on since I moved up here with Jadon.

"You're not even fucking listening. You're being-" he threw his hands in the air as he spoke but was interrupted by Kian.
"Bukayo chill man. Ayodele go on a walk, I'll catch up."

I went to argue but he sent me a look, making me groan and pick up my stuff, making my way across to the other side of the field and onto the pavement.

Kian also struggled with addiction, not to the extent that I did but any addiction isn't good. When he got the internship, he took it as his chance to become clean with everything. With his addiction, with his whole previous lifestyle that I won't bait him out for.

We've been able to keep each other in check now that we're basically with each other all the time since we don't know many other people near us. We've discussed alternatives for smoking and our triggers for it. Mine was mainly just stress; if i argue or things start to overwhelm me, that's when I tend to do it. His was more out of boredom and just craving a high or the adrenaline of it.

So we spoke solutions. If I feel like I'm about to kick off, I've gotta remove myself from the situation until I can confront it calmly- hence the walk I was going on now.

I also had to make an effort to share the load with people and let them know how I'm feeling. If I've got a load of appointments and I'm nervous, I'll tell Jadon and he'll come with me or help me realise that it's all doable and I'm capable.

The main solution for him was the gym. He always went anyway but not consistently and with a plan. Now if he's craving a high, he'll go and do his routine whether it's three in the morning or lunch time- it didn't matter.

I know at first it sounded too good to be true; that I just moved to manchester and all my problems just went away. I wouldn't be surprised if you thought I was chatting straight out my arse. But it's more just the state of mind and the support I've had around me. I've never had that before. I used to push everybody away and the only people who I let close to me were just as bad as I was. (eg: jayden and kayla) and to be honest, even Kian.

But things were changing and no matter how upset Jude and I's situation made me, I wouldn't let it ruin my progress. I wasn't going to start all over again.

———
not rereading, hope it's all good just cba whatsoever lol xxx

her and kian r strictly friends if you're thinking anything diff stop please it's more a brother sister relationship !!!

i'm so done with school i do not want to go tmrw at all. beefing all my friends so have to go in tho, can't let ppl think im a pussy xx