Little Rock-Star (GXG)

Chapter 32

(Devon's POV)

My eyes flutter open. I try to sit up, but something-someone- is holding me down. I look and see it's Alex. Memories of last night start coming back. Fuck.

I carefully remove her arm from around my waist. I climb over her and hop out of the bunk. I walk to the restroom and look in the mirror. My eyes are red and puffy while my cheeks are tear-stained. I sigh and grab a rag. I wet it and wipe my face.

I walk out of the restroom. I put on black ripped skinny jeans, a white t-shirt, my leather jacket and combat boots. I walk into the lounge where everyone else is, except for Alex, who is still sleeping in my bunk.

I sit down on the couch next to Skylar. Leon is on his phone, probably texting Alice.

If Alex didn't hear me last night, what would've happened? That's the question that keeps running through my head. Would I of cut? I don't fucking know. But I'm grateful that she did wake up. Even if I'm hurt by her, I'm still glad she woke up.

I mean, I still would've been grateful if it was someone else who woke up. But I'm glad it was Alex. She's easy to talk too-when she wants to be. Honestly, I don't think she was asleep. I think she was awake, just thinking-like me. I haven't got much sleep since we broke up. It's hard to sleep when you love someone who cheated on you, and brought your parents into this.

I know she apologized but still..she knows she shouldn't of brought them into this. That's like me saying she's going to turn out like her parents-which she isn't. She doesn't hurt innocent children or people for any reason. I mean, sure she's slapped me that one time, but she was angry and couldn't contain it. No one saw it coming, not even her.

But when I'm with her when she gets angry, I can calm her down. I calm her down by kissing her, or even just hugging her and holding her. It works. I sooth her out, you know? But lately I don't think she's been able to hold herself together, either have I.

We're both complete messes.

Alex walks in, yawning and stretching. I wonder if the others know if she slept in my bunk last night..or if they heard anything at all. If Skylar heard, then I'm fucking screwed. Skylar is very-and I mean very, overprotective about this.

"G'morning." Alex mumbles.

"Morning." Ryan responds. I stay quiet, recalling the conversation last night. Alex makes eye contact with me. I give her a weak smile, which she returns.

"What's on the agenda for today?" Leon asks.

"Nothing, we're resting.Tomorrow we have a concert though." Ryan answers. I nod in response. I get up in need of a smoke. I walk outside and lean against the tour bus. I light a cigarette and put it to my lips.

I then hear the door shut. I look over and see Alex. I sigh and blow smoke out of my mouth.

"Hi." Alex says, standing next to me.

"Hello." I mumble, putting the cigarette back in my mouth.

"Why'd you do it?" She asks, referring to me cutting. I knew this question was going to come.

"Because," I sigh. "People are taking your side online, they don't know the whole story. They tell me to slit my wrist and go die, they call me names. The stuff gets to your head. And when you said the thing about my parents just added on and on. I felt like I wasn't good enough for you, or anyone. I feel like I'm a mistake and I'm not worth it." I put the cigarette between my fingers.

"Remember what you said to me? You're worth it, Devon. Everyone has a purpose on earth, good or bad. I need you, the band needs you, Ivy needs you, the fans need you, Devon. Don't you dare think about doing something so careless and stupid again. I'm sorry for making you feel like you weren't enough." She apologizes.

It goes quiet for a moment or two before I respond.

"Why'd you kiss him?" I ask, putting the cigarette out. I turn to look at her. Alex looks down at the ground, her brown hair covering half of her face.

"..I don't know. I was lonely, Devon. You were always busy. And then when I do spend time with you, you're tired. I needed someone to care about me. I needed some to..love me." Alex looks at me.

"Are you serious? I fucking loved you when I was on stage. You were all I thought about-no, I still do think about you! Do you know how hard it is for me not to break down on stage? Do you? No! You don't! So don't you fucking say I didn't care for you! Because I did!" I shout, growing angry.

"It's not my fault you chose this career that takes away your free time, Devon! I tried spending time with you, but no! Fucking music comes first! I tried not to spend to much time with Jeremey, fuck! I tried every damn minuet I could with you! But no! You just fucking chose music over me!" Alex screams.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me, right? Music is the way I gain money, Alex. Without money I'd probably still be living with Skylar! That'd mean no me and you, okay? But out of all the fucking guys in the world, you chose Jeremey Fucking Wilson? No, no no. You chose a GUY. Not a girl! Fuck. I would've felt a little better if it was a girl! I'm actually starting to think you want to be with a guy more then a girl! Do you even fucking love me?" I shout back, but saying the last part in a whisper.

"Of course I fucking love you! What kind of question is that!?" Alex raises her voice.

"Oh, I don't know! Maybe I ask it because you kissed another damn guy?" I sarcastically say.

"I said I was sorry for that! I'm a fucking dick, okay! I know! I'm a horrible fucking person!" Alex exclaims, tears now falling from both of our eyes.

"You're not a horrible person Alex..I'll admit, you are being a dick right now. Sorry is just a word. I love you, I really do Alex." I mumble. "But I hate you at the same time."

Alex looks at me confused, so I continue.

"I hate you for making me feel this way. I hate you for hurting me. I hate you for breaking me. I hate you for breaking my heart. I hate you for the pain you have caused me. But I love you for curing the pain." I inch towards me.

"How can you forgive me? How can I make you mine again? Please.." Alex whispers, tears falling for her eyes.

I'm now standing in front of her. I cup her face, making her look into my eyes. Her brown eyes say sadness and guilt. I wipe her tears away.

"Pretty people aren't allowed to cry, so stop crying for one," I let out a small chuckle. "And it'll take me time to get over this. So friends for now, okay?" I swallow the lump in my throat.

Alex hesitates but nods. I start walking away, but she grabs my wrist, gently pulling me back.

"One more kiss?" She whispers.

I let a small smile tug on my lips and nod. I bring my lips to hers. She doesn't hesitate to kiss me back. Her arms wrap around my neck, while mine wrap around her waist. This is what I've missed the most. Her lips.

I pull apart and rest my forehead against hers.

"I'll wait for you." Alex whispers.

"Good."