Bullied (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 19

5 months later

Lucy's POV

Between me and Harry hasn't changed anything. We're still happy together. He's my hero. The one who saved me. The one who brings light into my darkness.

Well I thought so.

The bullying got harder again. They don't say anything when Harry's around or by my side. But if he's gone they say horrible things. They say Harry can't protect me from them. Maybe they are right. No. They are not. He could protect me from them. But I don't want to. I can handle this on my own. I don't need his help. I'm strong enough.

I thought that.

I started cutting again. I know I shouldn't but it's like an addiction to me. And it isn't that bad. Harry hasn't seen it yet and I'm happy that he didn't. He totally would freak out. I mean I would understand him because he cares about me and I'm so happy that I have him but he would just want that I do a therapy and I haven't changed my opinion about that.

Harry makes me so happy. When I'm near him I can forget everything. I can speak with him about everything and we laugh a lot. He's just amazing.

But when I'm alone it gets horrible again. Many things going trough my mind and I always try not to cut but I can't help myself and do it. It feels so good for the moment. But I always could stop it. I could stop myself from cutting. Of course.

Right? Could I really stop myself from cutting? When I gave Harry this promise I didn't cut for a few weeks. But that's it. I've started again and I'm kind of dissapointed of myself. But I pretend to be happy when I'm with Harry. Well I really don't have to pretend because he makes me so happy.

I'm so angry about myself. Because I gave Harry this promise not to cut again. And I broke it. It makes me upset.

"Lucy? Are you here?" Harry giggles at me as we sit in his room. Oh shit I totally was away right now.

"Sorry I was in thoughts" I smile at him.

"Yeah I got that" He simply says. God he still makes my heart flutter.

"I love you so much Harry." I take his hand and bring it against my mouth, kiss it and close my eyes.

"I love you too, Lucy. Are you okay? You sound a bit upset?!" He looks worried. He knows how I'm feeling all of the time. It's like he could read my mind.

"I am okay. I'm just tired". I'm tired of being sad and that I can't stop cutting. I'm tired of pretending I'm okay. But I do it for him.

"Would you like to sleep a bit?" He asks. I shake my head.

"No. I can sleep at home". He sighs.

"However you want". He places a kiss on my forhead and we lay down on his bed. We face at each other and I love to look in his eyes. It reminds me of the first time I saw in his eyes. I still see hope in them.

His hands travel down my arms and I close my eyes again. I really am tired now.

"Oh my god Lucy". Harry's voice makes me wide awake again. What?!

I open my eyes and he looks at my wrist. Oh my god shit he knows it. He knows that I cut again. No. This must be a nightmare.

I try to move my hand away but he holds it way too tight.

"Harry...It's.. It's not like that.." I don't know what to say. I can't think clear. My mind is spinning right now.

"Why..." He looks up at me and back at my wrist. He looks so dissapointed and I completely understand him.

"I'm so sorry Harry". I start to cry.

"You... I don't know what to say but... You gave me a promise. Did you forget this? Why do you do this again? Why didn't you say anything? Why... what... what happened?" I hate to hear him so sad and upset. If I could turn back time one more time... I would do it. I wouldn't do that fucking cutting again.

"They... they bully me again and... I... I had to do that again... I really tried to stop it.. but.. I.. I couldn't." I stutter. I'm so stupid. I could be the happiest girl in the world because I got a boyfriend like Harry. And then I destroy everything. Did I destroy everything?

"Why didn't you say anything? I could have helped you! Instead you start to cut again and you're lying when you're with me. What did I do wrong?" He almost screams at me and stands up from the bed.

"You didn't do anything wrong Harry. This isn't your fault. I just... I didn't want that you're scared again about me because I'm fine." I stand up and try to reach his hand but he stumbles away.

"You lied at me! The whole time! And you're not fine Lucy! You can't tell me that!" Tears rolling down his cheek and it hurts so much more because I'm the reason he cries. I've hurt him so much. If I would be alone right now I would cut myself. Again.

"Harry please... please forgive me! I'm so sorry and I will stop with the cutting."

Harry's POV

"This is just an empty promise. Like always. I've trusted you Lucy! But this is over now. I can't be together with someone who doesn't trust me and lies at me! I'm so dissapointed!" I can't believe this all. It was all so perfect. But she lied at me. She started to cut again and she didn't even say a single word about it. I don't know what to think or to do.

"Please don't leave me alone Harry! I love you." She sobs. It hurts to see her like that but I can't do anything against it.

"Please leave me alone now, Lucy." I try to say as calm as possible. She nods and leaves the room. I'm sure she will cut again when she's at home. But does it make any difference after all?

I don't know what to do. I don't even know if we could start it over again. It feels like our relationship was just a lie. Wasn't it?

Oh god. What happens if she will do something worse than cutting when she's at home? I can't do this anymore. I will always be scared about her. My phone brings me back to reality. It's a message from Lucy. Oh my god.

"Can I do something to be yours again?" Can she? I know only one way in doing so.

"Do a therapy." That's the only wish I have. I'm sure only a therapy could help her. I'm sure that she won't do it anyway but I don't think there will be a future for us if she doesn't do it.

"I will" My eyes go widen as I read that.

Is she serious? Will she do a therapy? It would save her life and probably also our relationship.