Pillow Talk

17~ Look At The Stars

"Sometimes I come out here and think about everything."

I propped my head up on my hand, staring at River beside me. His eyes were shut as he faced the sky, his lips curling up into a smile.

"What do you think about?" I asked, curious. He shrugged, draping his arm over his chest.

"My brother mostly. About how fucked up life must be for him. And I'm here complaining about my own." He finally opened his eyes, letting them fall on me.

"River, you can't blame yourself for what happened to him." I responded, squeezing his arm.

"No, I can't. But I can blame myself for not taking care of him the way I should. For not letting my grandmother take him in when she offered too. He would have been better off." I started to shake my head, but he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me on to the blanket beside him before I could.

"You do everything you can." I assured him.

"Don't lie to me, Scarlet. My brother is sitting at home with some fucked in the head woman that talks to him like he doesn't understand. He does, he's smarter then everyone believes." I nodded, not wanting to fight him when he was already on the verge of yelling.

Ryan had always been the focus of the Moore family. Despite River's attempts at impressing his parents, they had always pushed him aside, telling him to help his brother. In a way, I believe that it might have psychologically messed with River.

Even when he was younger, he had always made sure everyone knew he was present. That everyone knew who he was.

"Then go back to him." He shook his head, laughing coldly. It was odd how quickly his attitude had changed. I guess maybe we were more alike then I thought. We both got upset when our families were brought into the equation.

"Would you still like me if I wasn't a football player?" River asked suddenly, sitting up. I blinked in surprise, trying to regain my train of thought.

"Of course, River. Being an athlete doesn't change anything, not for me at least." He stared ahead of him, at the bright lights of the city.

"What if I didn't want to be me anymore? Would you still like me then?" He didn't turn around, but somehow I knew the question was more rhetorical then anything.

"What do you mean?" I whispered. He stood up, gesturing behind him.

"I'm tired of being me, Scarlet. I'm tired of being the all star athlete that everyone wants me to be. I'm tired of being put on a pedestal and everyone thinking I'm so fucking perfect." He buried both of his hands in his hair, shaking his head, "Do you know how hard it is to live up to everyone's expectations on a daily basis? That's why I left my Aunt and Uncle and Ryan, because they were over bearing, they pushed me into things. I couldn't handle it anymore, Carls." He looked so vulnerable under the night sky that I almost forgave him for everything he had done. For hurting my brother and completely destroying his career.

"Why us? Why did you come to our house when you knew very well that my brothers could have found you?" I asked, wrapping my arms tightly around my legs as I stared up at him.

"Because I needed someone, Carls. I needed you. I knew you wouldn't turn me away, that you would let me in and stay in the attic without saying anything. You're a great person." I shook my head, snickering.

"A great person? I've been lying to my brothers face for the last two months, River. I'm just the mistake child my parents never wanted." I threw my hands in the air, grimacing.