The Monster (My Best Friend Eminem, My Husband Marshall Mathers)

Chapter twenty-one

Chapter twenty-one

            The moment will haunt me for the rest of my life. I’ve never seen Marshall’s eyes turn so cold and I’ve seen them cold before. And the tone of his voice; cold and harsh, it was evil and unwelcoming. That wasn’t my husband. It was enough to make my hair stand up. After washing the rest of the dishes I walked upstairs to check on Hailie. The darkness made me hesitant. I was afraid the evil Marshall was going to come out and scare me.

            Forcing myself up the stairs and into Hailie’s room where I found her sound asleep probably from all the crying. I removed her shoes and tucked her under the covers, placing a kiss on her temple. The salty tears have glued a good amount of hair to her face that made it hard for me to see her face. I shut the lights off and went to my bedroom.

            The bathroom door was cracked slightly showing a bit of light. I opened the door to find Marshall sitting on the toilet seat cleaning up his cut up hand. He had his baseball cap on backwards and a little sweater jacket. All I wanted to do was break him into little pieces for what he did. But deep down he is still my husband and I love him, maybe if he’ll tell me why he did what he did, I’ll better understand. After all, Marshall is not a liar he might have an alter ego to be everything no one wants…but not a liar.

            “You wanna talk about what happened today” I asked. Marshall turned his baseball cap around to cover his face. He continued to fix his cut up palm,

“Thh, ow” he grumbled. I couldn’t take it, even though my temper was flaring inside. It burned me to see Marshall like this.

            “Let me…” I said, kneeling down and taking the small needle and going through his skin back and forth.

“I’m tired” he mumbled. I wasn’t going to let him go so easily. “Hailie will understand why I did that in time…”

“Don’t think she will forgive you so easily” I said. I snipped the small string and dabbed the alcohol on it.

“Thh, oww” he snapped his hand away.

            I had to be easy on him; my husband needs me more than ever now. “Honey, why did you do that to Jake?”

“Just the way he was talking about my songs” he said. “How was he talking about your songs, was he bashing them?”

“No, he wasn’t he bragged on the songs you didn’t grow up with like, Amityville, Kim and 97 Bonnie and Clyde…you know” he said.

“Bragged?”

“Yeah, about the gore and horror he liked about it, honey you know a lot of my songs I wrote back when I was a kid were based off my anger and I don’t mind people listening to them…I just wish they understood why I wrote them…” he said.

            “Most people do…” I whispered, caressing his face. It was a moment where he was calm and probably willing to talk about his drug problem, its simple Natalia so simple to ask. He is your husband he will understand. He is not stupid. Just ask ‘Marshall, did you…no…are you…is there something you would like…’ This is going to be tougher than I thought.

“Honey…” I force out of my mouth. He picked his head up, his eyes looking into mine; tender and soft, almost like a pup. I just couldn’t come up with the right words to say to him.

“You know I love you and…” ok that’s a good way to go. “And you know you are my best friend as well…” Marshall bowed his head and chuckled.

“You can come to be about anything…I will understand…I made a vow to support you and to help you through any situation”. Marshall picked his head up slightly, as I placed both of my hands on his cheek.

            A smile appeared on his face. “I don’t know it’s been hard adjusting…” he said. He cradled his face in my palm, almost like he wanted to sleep. His now bandaged hand was caressing my hand he cradled himself in; softly and sweetly.

A single tear rushed down the side of his left eye, “I’m sorry if I snapped at you” he whimpered, sniffling.

            I have to be stern and it was the hardest thing I had to do with him. I couldn’t let him fall onto my shoulder and let him cry it out and feel better about it later. Normally I would let him then have a make-out session or sex. This is not something that can’t be solved like that or in the morning.

“It’s ok honey” I said, trying to hold back my tears.

“Will you always love me?” he cried.

“Always honey”.

--

Marshall’s P.O.V

            I could’ve told her right there and then, about the urges. I know Natalia she would’ve understood. But how could I tell her?

‘Natalia…I have problems with the urge to use drugs again?’ ‘I’m fighting strong urges to use again…” she must know about the tabloids. Natalia anit stupid, does she know I’m still clean? I know my girl she knows I am.

            “Natalia” I mumbled. The feeling of fatigue started to hover over me. “Hmm?” I cannot show her I’m weak. She can’t see that. She has never seen that, she depends on me to be strong. I removed her hand from my face, pulling the tears back like a teenaged boy; gripping my lips together to hold the blow back.

            “I vowed to support you and to help you through any situation” I could tell her now. She could help me.

“Huh, you know…” she chuckled. “Seeing you with Ronnie and with your dad kind of reminded me of my dad…I miss him” a hint of sadness was in her voice.

I caress her soft cheek, “Your dad would be proud of you”. Her head was held down as if she was trying to hide her face from me.

“I know I am” I mumbled. She picked her head up slightly, rubbing her eyes and her nose.

            “Do you ever feel that you’re not doing…a good enough job?” She whimpered.

“At what”

“Being a parent and spouse?” 

I sighed, “Every damn day…” “Why do you feel like that?”

“Every damn day…” she chuckled emotionally.

            I placed a soft kiss on her forehead, “You are a wonderful mother and a beautiful wife you never mess it up” I whispered, pressing our foreheads together.

“And you are a wonderful and husband…” she whispered back. “Every day I’m afraid to lose you…I can’t live without you…”

I took a breath of air feeling my lungs fill and stretch. I removed strains of hair that was hiding her face, once I removed it I saw her vulnerable and insecurity side that I have never seen from her.

            Natalia always thought she was invisible; she never had to worry about her looks because she never cared but deep down I think she knew she was beautiful, she just never flaunt it. At first I thought she never had insecurities but at the same time she had love and she had me even when I wasn’t there.

            Holding her face in my palms and looking into her soft eyes that showed signs of tears I said, “You will never lose me…” the words made my lips tremble.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby” I whispered, “Or do anything stupid that can hurt you?”

“No baby…” I said, hoping I convinced her that everything she is hearing is wrong. A small and yet comforting smile came onto her face.