Benefits

Ch. 21: Hard To Explain

Hard To Explain- The Strokes

"Oh I just can't remember, I just can't remember."

TW: abuse/ child abuse

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I look at myself in the mirror. The stained tears on my cheeks were long gone.

Just like Jake.

I felt empty not having him with me in bed. It was a weird abandonment feeling. He didn't owe me anything though, and I didn't blame him for leaving. I probably looked like a crazy person.

After a nice hot shower, I examined my hair.

My hair was cut short five years ago, ever since they stitched up my head. I had two places in my head that were stabled and stitched. My hair has long grown since then, but I find myself cutting it a little past my shoulder. It was a long enough to put in a ponytail, but it didn't always get in my face.

That day... That day blood flooded my head, staining my blonde locks a ruby red color.

Out of nowhere, my phone starts to ring. I see the caller. I want to press end, but knowing him, he'll blow up my phone.

"Hello." I greet Jake.

"We need to talk."

"About?"

"Things."

"When?"

"Now. I'll be there in ten. Be ready, and wear something warm." With that, he hangs up the phone immediately. I look down at my phone quite baffled. I unwrap my towel and start getting dress. I didn't know what to expect from him, and it scared me.

I quickly tiptoed to my parent's room. I hear my dad's usual snores and my mom's heavy breathing. I tiptoe till I hit the stairs, then I start walking normally. I quickly write a note down, saying I'm with Lauren, and we decided to eat breakfast together.

Once I write the letter, I get a text from Jake saying he's here.

My heart makes a weird clench, and I frown at myself. Get your shit together. I grab my keys and head outside with the lock locked.

I see him immediately standing against his car with his eyebrows perching in concentration. He's doing something on his phone, that I'm not sure what of. I walk to him slowly, taking in everything in his appearance. It's a cold late summer morning, he's wearing a long brown leather jacket, with his usual V-necks that cling to his body with his usual skinny jeans and black boots. His glasses still adorn to him, but now I've grown to love them in a way. It makes him, him.

Once I'm closer to him, does he take notice in me. He stands straight from his car and puts his phone in his back pocket. "Hi."

"Hey."

He leans down and pecks my lips, only then does he stand up straight again to have a puzzled look on his face. "What?" I ask. Do I have bad breath? I just brushed my teeth five minutes ago.

"Nothing." He shakes his head. He turns around and starts to open his car door. "Get in." His voice is becoming monotonous.

Okay... Why is he acting weird? Was it because he kissed me because he's done that already many times?

He starts driving, and I have no idea where we are going, but I let him drive without questioning him. It seems whenever we are together, all I do is question him. So for today, I leave him be. I, at least owe him that since the whole breakdown yesterday. I should thank him for that. It did burn, that he did leave me last night, but what did I except. It was a huge surprise for me that he even stayed for a moment then.