Jin P.O.V
I watched the stone sink into the river. I guess today just wasn't my day. Yoongi doesn't even face me before beginning to walk away, his hands in his pockets. I hurry up to catch his pace, finding myself standing by his side.
"A deal's a deal right?"I smile.
Yoongi's eyes shift over to me and he gives me a nod. I waited a few moments, but I didn't get anymore than a glance every now and then as we walked through the park.
"So...do you have any idea of what you want to ask me?"I ask, hoping he'd start a solid conversation.
Yoongi hummed and combed a hand through his hair,"You need to answer truthfully okay."
"Wasn't that part of the deal?"
"Just making sure."he then meets my eyes as he asked."What really happened on the night of Roxi's birthday?"
'So he's suspicious over that.'
I sigh, making his head sharply turn a bit in my direction."Look Yoongi."
"A deal's a deal. Spill the tea already so I can buy us some lunch."he snaps, his brows furrowing."Or are you going to tell me more bullshit?"
"If you already know what happened that night then why ask?"I ask, clicking my tongue."You're so difficult to your hyung."
"Fine. I'll just rephrase the question then."he groans,"Jin-hyung...do you have a crush on Roxi?"
We had long left the park and now stood in front of an outlet of shops, walking past people in a generally straight direction. Sure I was physically running in a straight line, but my mind was sprinting left and right.
"Do I need to rephrase my question again?"Yoongi questioned, taking me by the forearm into the car.
I get into the passenger seat and Yoongi walked around the front of the car to get into the drivers seat. Usually I would be the one to drive, but I guess he wanted me to focus on only answering his questions. He didn't spare me a single glance before starting the car and driving to a restaurant.
"Yoongi."I start, biting the inside of my mouth to keep myself focused on the pain more than my askewed thoughts.
"Ready to tell me hyung?"
"Why 'crush'? Why not 'do you love Roxi?' or something like that."I ask, trying to lead the conversation on.
"I chose to use the word 'crush' because that's all people feel about Roxi. They don't have actual romantic feelings for her. She more like a source of entertainment for the guys. It makes me sick."he replies, licking his lips.
"Now how do you know that?"I ask, 'tsk'ing his generative statement."That's pretty mean you know. What about you, don't you have a 'crush' on Roxi?"
"Who the hell is asking the questions here?"he growls, shaking his head."Just answer it."
I rest my head on the back of my hand. Hoping that I would know exactly what to say. But it's not like I was a 'savage' person as how Yoongi would put it. He stopped in a parking lot, which was nearly empty. I guess he caught onto how I avoided his question and resorted to just glaring at me until I started speaking again. He had turned off the car, and the world stood still. It was excruciating. And after a while, I finally caved in.
"I don't have a crush on her. Sure, I may not love her either...or however you think of love as being. I mean...I used to like her, very very much. But then, I realized that the rest of you liked her as well. I just couldn't bring myself to accept my feelings for her and for myself. So now, I've decided that I'll just watch. I won't try to win her over because I know, I don't deserve her myself. Not after what everyone else has gone through for her. I've done nothing. Nothing but cave into my temptations."I answered, trying to shake off the sickening feeling in my gut just thinking about what I had done."You deserve the truth, I know that. I guess you can say, I stole her first kiss while she was drunk. She was the one who pulled me into the kiss, but I know that isn't an excuse. I didn't even try pushing her off. So that's why, I'm trying my best to just stay out of the way."
I chuckled and shook my head, keeping my composure as I spoke freely. Yoongi was staring at me with a blank expression, his teeth gritting slightly before he finished listening to me speak.
"So, you think kissing Roxi was a mistake?"he asked.
I ignored our deal of asking only one question and answered anyway,"Yes. It shouldn't've happened in the first place."
"Did you feel anything when she kissed you? Like a fluttery feeling or something like that?"
I thought back to it, recalling the whole event from when I last thought of it,"Yeah. But I guess the guilt I felt during the kiss kind of masked that."
Yoongi looked at the car floor, he seemed to be deep in thought as I stayed silent. To be honest, I don't know why I'm still here, giving answers to every question without hesitation. Maybe I unconciously saw this as a way to confess everything pent up in my head. Yoongi shook his head and clicked his tongue.
"Jin-hyung...have you ever thought that the feeling you felt was real love?"he asked me, eyeing my every fidgety movement.
"No, to be honest I just thought I was imagining things. I've never kissed any other person before, I was too busy in the past to get into a longterm relationship you know."I smile and ruffle my own hair,"So if you saw it from my eyes, it was like my first kiss was stolen from me. But I don't want Roxi to know that or how I felt so...happy during the kiss. I just want her to think of me as someone who can watch over her like an older brother."
Yoongi's eyes drilled into me, trying to sense any sort of lie."Hyung, you're telling me you've never kissed anyone besides Roxi in your entire life?"
"Yes."
"It's pretty unbelieveable, but why the hell am I not surprised?"he laughs, taking every opportunity to jab my masculinity."But honestly, have you ever thought that you're just new to this love thing. I bet if you kiss another person and you don't feel anything, that means you still have a chance with Roxi."
I thought about it. Yoongi was basically saying, if I kissed someone else and felt something then I would know that the night with Roxi was just a fluke. But if I kissed someone and felt nothing, then I really do have legitimate feelings for her. It was the craziest idea, but at the same time there was some plausibility to it.
"I...see what you mean by that Yoongi."I say, resting my head against the headrest."You're just so full of surprises you know that."
Yoongi's lips formed a straight line, and his eyes met mine once more. This time, I couldn't explain what he was thinking. If he was judging my every move, or thinking about something, I had no idea. They were blank, but warm. What happened next was a blur. Within a slow blink of an eye, Yoongi's back had left the car door and his hands left the steering wheel. The tip of my chin turned in a slight angle towards him to see what he was doing, but before I could speak my words were trapped in my throat and my lips were sealed.
But instead of a promise to keep quiet, my lips were sealed by Yoongi's lips.
