Breathe Me Back To Life •Patrick Stump+Fall Out Boy•

Chapter Eleven: Stop Dragging Around, I Think That Somebody Knows

I think that before I start this, I should put a trigger warning, which is kind of silly because this book is sort triggering throughout the story. Um, this chapter touches on cutting, so just to give you all a heads up. Also, if you're a Marianas Trench fan, the title is a reference to an old song(September). Hats off to you if you got it.

|| Cole Wentz || First Person's ||

The steady rumble of the bus's engine and the feel of the gravel crunching beneath the heavy duty tires has become somewhat comforting in about the past two weeks of touring.

In total, we've completed about four shows of the eight in the United States. It's hard to believe that we've already finished half of the American part of the tour. Soon enough, we'd be in Canada to finish the other twelve shows there.

This tour is shorter than the past ones, this one totalling into about two and a half months and basically twenty shows. We planned on spending a bit more time in Canada because the bands don't really go there often.

I honestly couldn't wait for the other half of the tour. Not just because of the fact that we'd all be in freaking Canada, but the fact that Elisa wouldn't be with us. I truthfully felt like I'd do something I'd regret in the future if I had to listen to her blabbing or watch her practically maul Patrick's face off any longer.

Yeah, I admit it. I'm the tiniest bit jealous of Elisa and Patrick's relationship. It's not like I'd go ahead and try my best to ruin it, but I can't help but feel the teeniest bit of jealousy when I have to listen to them going on about how much they love each other.

Is it weird that I sometimes wish it could be me in her position?

Well, not necessarily in her position. I don't think I like Patrick, but all I know is that I'm hung up on the whole idea of a perfect relationship.

When Derek and I had first started dating, I couldn't help but think that he really did love me. That maybe one day we'd marry each other or something. I guess I just really wish that something good could happen to me for once. I mean, yeah, I have tons of friends that support me and are willing to help me out if I ever do decide to be honest, but it isn't the same. I can't help but feel robbed of everything that makes me truly happy. There will always be this nagging feeling in my conscience. I will always have those flashbacks that I absolutely hate. The nightmares will always plague me, reminding me that it's my fault I feel this way. It's my fault it happened to me.

It's always my fault, isn't it?

"Hey, Princess," Andy settles into the soft leather sofa, taking a seat next to me. I let an easy smile cross my lips for a moment before leaning into his side.

"Oh, Andy, my teddy bear." I mumble, letting him pull me in closer to him. The older boy lets out a cute laugh, tightening his arm hooked respectfully around my waist.

"Is that my new name?" He giggles, tilting his head to look down at me.

"Nah, your new nickname is... Squishy." I smile, pressing my face into his side. I pull in a deep breath of air, Andy's fresh scent filling my nostrils.

"And why is that, Princess?"

"You're squishy." I reply shortly. We're silent for a moment before we both burst out into laughter. It wasn't funny, but honestly, it just felt really good to laugh with Andy. He grins, poking my cheek.

"Well, I've heard you have a new nickname, too." Andy says.

"What?" I ask him, twisting around to face him directly. He grins, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Porcelain." Andy says, his eyebrows continuing to wiggle around suggestively(A/N: I'm thinking of danisnotonfire saying 'let's get mildly suggestive'- I'll shut up now). I let out a laugh and smack his arm.