Breathe Me Back To Life •Patrick Stump+Fall Out Boy•

Chapter Forty Two: I'm Awake And Trying

||Cole Wentz|| First Person's||

Nobody mentions it.

Or at least they tried not to.

Nobody mentions the fact that this was my fault entirely. Nobody mentions that the reason I almost drowned and bled to death was because of my stupidity. Nobody mentions the fact that Derek was getting into my fragile head to the point I lost it.

Nobody needed to mention that I'm not ever probably going to be allowed near sharp things and large bodies of water for a while.

I can just barely remember anything from the night before. The last thing that I can properly remember without having to comb through my memories is probably that sinking feeling of last minute regret. The feeling of the water invading my nasal passages and my mouth, the feeling of my body losing all control. I was terrified at that second when the water finally started to flood my body, and the final thing I can remember was the sound of the front door being unlocked before I gave up and let the last few breaths escape me.

I am still terrified to be left alone.

So in conclusion to that statement, nobody leaves me alone. Even when I'm sleeping later on today, hours before I can possibly be released from the hospital, Patrick refuses to leave my side. Eventually, he even let himself fall asleep next to me to keep me warm when I inevitably got cold.

And when I woke up?

You would have thought it was my sweet sixteen. Or my tenth birthday, if ten year olds still enjoy plushy toys and giant stuffed animals.

In the short span of three hours, my hospital room is filled with flowers and cards, some from other bands, but most from my family and friends. The one on the ground near my bed is signed from Skye Black, my old best friend. I plan to read it when I'm feeling better, but at the moment, I scan the room and smile at the sight of balloons, flowers, stuffed animals and other bright and various gifts. Patrick is awake now, smiling as of he knew this would be here when we would wake up.

"Pretty, huh?" He smiles at me, brushing my bangs to the side. I nod as he gets up to his feet, adjusting the bed up into a sitting position for me. Before I can even speak, the door is opening and Brendon is bursting in, a large Stitch toy from the show Lilo&Stitch in his arms.

"Hey, Cole!" Brendon bounces over to me, shoving the Stitch stuffed toy into my arms. I laugh at his enthusiasm, smiling when I see Andy and Joe following behind with similar stuffed toys. Andy props this giant stuffed Pooh Bear on my lap while Joe is setting this large ass banana plush onto my bed. "We bear gifts and visitors!" Brendon continues.

"Visitors? I thought everyone already visited..." I say after I temporarily move my oxygen mask away from my mouth.

"Nope! Josh Ramsay lives in Vancouver and decided to come visit you- oh, and Alex Gaskarth is here as well!" Brendon tells me, a cheshire cat smile on his face. "Chelsea Evans, the girl Pete has a crush on? She's here also, along with a like two other girls. There names are Anna and Kate."

"I really don't want anyone to see me like this." I sigh, rubbing my tired eyes. Patrick smiles down at me, sitting back down on the bed next to me. His fingers wrap around my oxygen mask and he slowly pulls it back over my nose and mouth.

"That's why Hayley brought you some clothes while you we're sleeping." Joe says, nodding at the bag leaning against the foot of my hospital bed. "The doctor said that you're doing fine for now, so you can get changed when the nurse comes."

I'm fine.

Am I really?

My respiratory system seems to be doing fine, my cuts seem to be healing, physically I am fine.