Breathe Me Back To Life •Patrick Stump+Fall Out Boy•

Chapter Twenty One: Trying Numbness Instead Of Pain

So, I really want to thank you guys for sticking with me and this book so far, and I really hope that you guys continue to. This chapter goes out to rydxn_ for her lovely comments and votes on both this book and my KickThePj one.

||Cole Wentz|| First Person||

It's over now. To be honest, I don't know what I expected.

It's quiet. It's like the second the words escaped and pushed past my lips, everyone froze once it registered. They know, they know, they know.

It's all over now.

I feel my fingers clench over and pull at the hospital bed spread sheets. I pick at a piece of loose thread on the soft fabric, listening to nothing. I swear to God, you could hear a pin drop. Or better yet, you could hear Pete's tears splash to the floor, a little dot to dry up eventually. I don't know what's worse- the fact that I told them or that I hid it for three months.

I don't turn my head to look over at Brendon or Patrick, who are on either side of me. I focus on the sinking feeling in my gut while I try my best to not break. To not fling myself onto the bed and burst out in violent sobs that are practically shaking my body, begging to be released.

So this is that- that moment I've been dreading all these months. When I'd fall asleep at night, the fear and disgust that washes over me then is swallowing me up whole into this ocean of despair and pure disappointment. I'm ready for them to go ahead and leave me for what I am and what I've done. I'm ready to hear the anger and disgust lacing their words as they tell me that they never want to speak to someone like me again.

I'm not ready.

"You're- really?" Andy whispers, the regular humorous glint in his eyes that he teases me with simply gone. I suck in a sharp breath and nod quickly, my hair falling over my face, masking my expression like a perfectly timed closing curtain.

"Oh my God," Hayley breathes out, her words almost inaudible because of her breathy sobs. I don't dare look at her because I know that she'll hate me for what I've done.

"Where is he?" Pete demands. I turn my head to face Patrick, who seems to be staring out into space. I stare at him as I speak.

"I don't know. Chicago? America?"

"I shouldn't have let you go to that party. I should have told Mom and Dad that those house parties are no good." Pete mumbles, sucking in his quivering bottom lip between his teeth. I quickly hang my head so I don't have to watch him crying.

"Hey, Porcelain," Patrick whispers, his pointer finger tilting my head up slightly. I try to avoid his eyes, but they capture and pull me in. I try my best to not focus in on the emotion shining behind the tears in his eyes, but they explode out and attack me. Little spider hands extend out of nowhere and weave webs around me, tying me up while the thoughts scream at me that it's all my fault; I'm doing this to them; I don't deserve anything- including life."Porce, are you still with me?" I force myself to nod, trying to loosen up the chains weighing my head down. I can't think straight- it's all a messy blur.

"Cole," Brendon's voice snakes through my ears from behind, startling me slightly. I flinch and knock Patrick's hand back and away from me. I curl in on myself and feel the deadweight chains tighten around my chest and my body. I feel the spiderwebs weave over my eyes and my nose- in my lungs, constricting my airways. "Colby,"

"I can't believe it." Ryan finally says, his voice filled with exasperation and pure disappointment. "I can't believe I didn't piece that together."

"What do you- what do you mean?" Joe says, his words tight and choked. I squeeze my eyes shut and press my face into my knees even harder, digging for some kind of pain.