Breathe Me Back To Life •Patrick Stump+Fall Out Boy•

Chapter Seventeen: Your Eyes Are Swallowing Me

||Cole Wentz||First Person||

"Holy shit." I sob, raking my shaking, trembling fingers through my short hair. "Holy freaking shit."

I'm an idiot. I can't believe that I just left that up on my laptop. I wanted to know if I had PTSD but I got all overwhelmed after reading all of the symptoms. I just ended up running out of the room without even thinking, and then this happens.

I wasn't mad at Pete or Joe or Andy or even Patrick. I was mad at myself for being the major idiot. Yes, I made a mistake, but it seems that lately, all I can do is make mistakes. I do or say the stupidest things without realizing it until afterwards. Like trusting Derek. Or telling Brendon who Derek is, even if nothing happened yet. And leaving my search history up and that stupid webpage.

"You're an idiot, Cole." I mutter under my breath through the tears. I feel a thick lump forming in my throat, choking me to the point where I'm coughing violently. I squeeze my eyes shut and sob into the dusty knees of my navy jeans.

"No, you really aren't."

I look up to see a winded Patrick Stump crouching in front of me; his fedora half hanging on his head and his glasses sitting crookedly on the bridge of his nose. His eyes are slightly red and his nose seems to be the same tint, all stuffy. He forces a cute, weak smile my way before speaking again.

"No, you don't have to tell me anything at all, but just know that you can. I won't ever judge you because I really, really care about you.' Patrick tells me. I can't help it, I burst out into tears all over again at that. I don't even know why I'm crying this hard, but it feels good to let it out.

"Shh, it's okay, alright? Just let it out. Let it all out." Patrick is lifting me up and pulling me into his lap, tucking my head in the crook of his neck. I keep crying, feeling him stroking my hair lightly and running his hand up and down my arm.

"I'm just so stupid." I sob out, gripping his shirt as tightly as possible. He shakes his head.

"You've done nothing wrong, Colby. You're a smart, bright, humorous girl. Whatever happened is not your fault, okay?" Patrick says, and that's when he tilts my head up with his pointer finger. Due to our proximity, when I try to resist looking into his eyes, it happens.

Our lips brush ever so slightly against one another for a fragment of a second, but in that short period of time, I feel a zap of energy electrify and spark through my veins. I almost forget to breathe, and the look on Patrick's face tells me he's feeling the same way.

"Sorry," Patrick blushes ruby red, turning his head away to look beyond me. I can't help but press my face into his neck at that moment, letting his arms wrap around my torso tightly.

"It was an accident; don't worry about it." I reply, wiping the tears from my eyes. We're silent for a moment before Patrick changes the topic.

"Hey, do you want to go back to the bus? I'll call the guys and tell them where we're going." Patrick asks, his face still red and his eyes still sort of filled with... I don't know, honestly. All I know is that no one's ever looked at me that way before. I don't bother replying verbally, I just nod against him.

"Here, let's go." Patrick gets to his feet and crouches down in front of me, his back turned to me. I clamber to my weak feet and wrap my arms around his shoulder, jumping up onto his back. His hands hook underneath my knees as he pulls me up higher. I can't help but remember how the night before Elisa came on tour with us, he gave me a piggy back ride to our hotel room. I smile slightly and press my nose into his hair.

"Are you sniffing my hair?" Patrick asks in between giggles. I laugh into his shirt, biting my bottom lip.

"Have you been using my shampoo?" I ask him, considering his hair smelt really good.