Under these Stars

Chapter 5: Deep talks

"Get up." Allen takes away my bed covers. The cold air envelopes me quickly. I shiver at the sudden shift in temperature, curling up to save heat.

"Give it back." I murmur, my hand reaching for it back.

"No, get up." He orders me.

"I don't want to." I mumble.

"You've been in this bed for half the day. It's 5:00 PM already." He shakes his head at me pitifully.

"Look at you, you're still in your pajamas." I open one eye to observe him. "I doubt the twins are any better."

"Well, we aren't wallowing in our rooms like you are. C'mon Dela. Someday you need to talk to us. You can't keep secluding yourself every year." He sits on my bed and sighs. I know he doesn't mean this to be rude.

I roll onto my side. It's my parents' death anniversary. Around this time, I become a dark ball of misery. It's not like I intentionally try to feel miserable. According to Franny, I am a walking black cloud that gushes out sadness. She says it to cheer me up, but I don't see what's funny about it. My brothers aren't as bad; they have other sources of outlets. I know Ollie likes to go to UFC and does some intense MMA fighting classes. Finn and Allen workout at the gym and do extra training during school. I used to run, but I ended up almost fainting from overexertion. Now I stick to writing in my journal.

None of us really deal with this time well.

My negative thoughts end up consuming everything even though I try not let it. I think of what happened and all these what-if's. My dreams usually aren't fun. I have learned to accept their deaths more, but it doesn't make things easier. I used to blame myself for their deaths everyday. I was only twelve, but I had a close bond with my parents.
Painting and stargazing are my passions, but it only makes me sad when their death anniversary comes around. My mom was the person who introduced me to painting and stargazing. My dad was simply the one I could talk to about anything and everything.

"Come downstairs sis," he pats my head before leaving the room.

I feel very comfortable just on my bed doing nothing. My body is too heavy to do anything right now.

"Dela, Finn and I are going to the gym," Oliver says quietly. We both know that it's unheathy to train excessively but they do so anyways. I'm too tired to care.

"Yeah, I'll be here." My voice comes out softly. Allen comes back to my room and lifts me out of the bed. He carries me downstairs.

"This year will be different. Finn and Oliver, you two stay." Allen stares at us with a steely gaze.

"But.." The twins argue.

"No. We need to accept mom and dad's passing. You almost crippled yoursef Finn." He points out.

"Fine, Mr. Bossy." Oliver grumbles bitterly and sits next to me on the couch.

"i know you guys try not to even think about it, but it's time to accept it. I've seen all of you smiling and laughing, but when this time rolls around you guys are dead. Think about how they would have wanted us to be." He sighs once more. "I'm suffering too. We need to bond together and support one another. We're fucking siblings." His voice breaks.

I can't stop the tears pouring from my eyes. It's my hormones. I don't normally cry so easily.

"It's about time we have talked about this," Finn speaks up.

"Yeah." Oliver nods solemnly.

We share good memories that we had about them. It's a therapeutic session with everyone talking about their thoughts and feelings. I would normally laugh and make sarcastic jokes but we all share a common understanding and connection that makes matters serious.
Allen, Finn, and Oliver reveal that they too have insecurities, something I never believed would happen. To be honest, I thought i was the only one. Not once have I seen them depressed. I confess how I still have nightmares from time to time, something I'm embarassed about. I don't want or need them to help me though. I want to tackle my fears and nightmares myself. It's a little too personal when they want to know what the nightmares are about because not even my siblings know what happened. I was the one who survived it, while my parents didn't. By the time we are all done discussing, we all have tear-stained cheeks. None of us care that we are crying so openly. This is a big step for all of us.