The Winchester Sister (COMPLETED)

Chapter Thirty Two

Sam's POV

Everything's going wrong. There's something wrong with me, clearly. I keep having blackouts, and I think Dean knows what's up but he won't tell me. Cas is back in almost full power, but he's lying about how and Amriel has disappeared completely.

I sit in my room to think. After a while, I lose track of what I think about and I just stare at the wall.

This is all my fault. From the celery beginning, when Dean pulled me back in. I was out, but I had dreams of Jess dying. Maybe if I'd told her, told Dean, told somebody, she would still be alive and I'd be out for good. But I let myself get pulled in.

Then, if I hadn't killed Lilith, hadn't listened to Ruby, there wouldn't have been an apocalypse.

I shouldn't have let Cas get away with the souls from purgatory thing. If I hadn't let that happen, the whole Leviathan thing wouldn't have gone down.

And more.

I rub my temples. I'm at the dining table in the bunker, trying to read up some lore on something we're hunting.

I hear a scream from the kitchen, and then some ridiculous laughter. I go in holding a gun to make sure no one is getting murdered, and stop short at the sight of Cas yelling at Dean about how he didn't tell him the toast flew out of the toaster when it's done and Dean rolling on the floor with laughter.

I shake my head. My brother and his crush. They're a bunch of children, despite both being older then me.

I go back to my room and sit on my bed. I know Amriel isn't an angel anymore, but I try anyway.

I pray. Dear Amriel, I say, please answer me. We need to know where you are. We let Cas back in the bunker. We need you too. Amriel, come back to us. You were still an angel, so you've probably heard things about Metatron that might help us.

Nothing happens.

Of course it doesn't.

Because when has anything ever worked out for me?

More so, when have I deserved to have something work out for me?