Secrets Of His Playhouse

The green-eyed boy tells me a story PART TWO

Jermany's POV

"A year had gone by without seeing or hearing from anyone. We were happy, mostly. Until, one rainy night, Peter found us, and he was furious. I was supposed to be hiding under the bed, but her screams were so loud and I couldn't resist coming out. He kept calling her a spy and a traitor, and she kept asking him to leave. I should have just stayed under the bed..." He pauses for a while, not moving or saying anything leaving me on edge. What had happened next?

"Everything happened so fast but, I still remember it like it was yesterday. She turned her back to him and her eyes locked with mine. I saw him retrieve it, but I did nothing, I just watched. He had noticed me and was about to move closer. But she stood in his way, separating us. She was trying to protect me and in the process he stabbed her. She fell to the ground, but he didn't stop," Oh my God. "He kept stabbing her and repeating the words, "my secret must remain secret" He kept stabbing until there was a pool of blood." I gasp. "I finally found my voice, and I screamed, rushing to her. He was shocked, not because of what he had done but because I had witnessed it and somehow he must have known that I wouldn't keep quiet. He threatened my life that day, promising to kill me if I spoke. So, I kept quiet, became mute, numb, telling no one what I saw. My mother had named me Jonah, but after her death, no one ever called me Jonah again except Maddie. He changed my Identity, changed me. Ever since then, I've been harboring all this hatred and pain."

"How could he have killed her, a woman he loved just to protect a secret?"

Shawn scoffs. "He killed her just like that, without remorse, with no second thoughts. The look in his eyes, her scream of pain, the pool of blood, everything keeps replaying in my head. Every. Single. Day. If I was stronger then, maybe I would have been able to do something, anything, anything but stand still and watch. But I wasn't, and even now that I'm older I'm not. I still let him get away with everything. I let him get away with murder, rape, abuse and now, I'm even helping him. I stopped showing emotions, stopped caring about life because I realised that life is unfair. Every sign of weakness -no matter how small- is an opportunity for people to use and walk all over me. And I've been through enough, I can't go through more. I can't lose more." His voice cracks at the end. His shoulders slump as he bends his head causing his hair to fall over his face.

I couldn't imagine what it felt like to be him at that moment. If I saw my mum get killed at age 13, I would have died too. But yet, he survived that and probably a lot more. All these things contributed to turn an innocent child into a monster. He didn't deserve this, no one did, not even the worst of the worst. The images are forever replaying in his head. It has scarred him for life. Peter. He isn't worthy to be called human; he is nothing but mere flesh and bones. How can he live with himself after that? And why does Shawn let him still control him even after everything?

The sound I hear next dissolves all my questions like sugar on the tongue. I turn to him as I hear his muffled cry again. It was a cry for help, a cry for someone who could take the pain away, a cry for comfort and love, a cry for his mother. My heart aches for the broken man before me, the man who suddenly looks like a boy. Although I still had some unanswered questions about Shawn Phillips, that didn't matter right now.

How could it matter as I watch him fall apart? How could it matter now that I had seen the raw, unfiltered Shawn Phillips? How could it matter now that I had seen the man behind the walls?

I feel my own tears threaten to spill but I keep them in. Then, with only my heart as my guide, I lean closer and pull Shawn Philips into my embrace. He keeps shaking in my arms as he cries. I can't look at him; I just keep massaging his hair, providing as much comfort as possible.

"It's entirely my fault, I let this happen, I watched and did nothing."

He blames himself instead of the actual culprit. How can he think it's his fault?