After that first party, everything became a blur in Leila's life. Every night she went to a new party, every day she woke with a hangover, every night she danced with another person, every night she kissed someone that she could hardly remember, every night she tried to forget.
She rarely went to school anymore and she never saw Jasper let alone any of her other friends. She didn't want to. She couldn't.
She was fine.
That was what she told herself as she took that first mind-numbing sip every night.
It was fine. None of it mattered because once she took another sip she was numb, she was better, she was fine. She was no longer constantly on the verge of crying.
She was fine.
One morning, she woke not in her room where she somehow always found herself in the mornings, but on a bench in the park, her entire body shivering as her teeth chattered but it was fine.
It was fine because lately, she hasn't wanted to be at her home anyways. Her parents constantly reminded her she was a disappointment, that she was throwing away her life and she hated it because they didn't understand. They didn't care.
Leila groaned as she sat up, wrapping herself in her jacket as she clutched onto it. "Leila?" A voice called hesitantly, unsure if it was truly her, sounding scared to find out.
Leila looked over and found Jasper standing there. Leila rolled her eyes as she clutched her jacket closer like a shield, her knuckles turning white from the tight grip. "What do you want Jasper?"
Jasper studied her for a moment before speaking hesitantly, "Are you..." Jasper paused not sure what to say, he took a step closer to her before he asked the question replaying in his mind as he looked at his best friend, "did you drink last night?"
Leila chuckled bitterly. "I drink every night Jasper." Leila looked him over, his tense figure, his tight-lipped frown, the worry in his eyes that was far too obvious. "You should try it, it's fun."
Jasper's frown deepened at this. "I'm not drinking, Leila and you shouldn't either." Memories of Leila telling people no to a drink played through his mind. She said she would never drink because she saw what it made people and she didn't want to become someone she didn't want to be because of a drink.
Leila rolled her eyes, "Oh loosen up Jasper." She stood up stumbling slightly as she placed a hand on her aching head, this is the part she hated. The hangover. But it was worth it.
"Woah!" Jasper exclaimed as he rushed to help the girl who continued to stumble.
Just as Jasper's helping hands were placed on Leila's shoulder she shoved him away, a fierce glare focused on him. "I don't need your help." She spat out like poison.
"Yes, you do Leila, if not mine than someone. Please. This isn't good for you." Jasper begged, hoping his friend would see the wrong in her ways, how this change in here wasn't a good one.
"This is the only thing that helps." Leila replied, "And you can't tell me what to do."
Jasper stared. It was all he could do. Just stare. He stared at her as she stumbled off, none of his words got through to her like he hoped they would. And he saw it then.
Leila wasn't Leila anymore. She was different. She was completely different.
And she didn't even realize it.
That night Leila lit her first cigarette, one of the smokers from school offered it to her when she went to grab her second or third cup of whatever they had at the latest party and she shrugged and took it from the boy who grinned and lit it for her before she brought it to her mouth.
That night she found her newest obsession. Later on, she stole a pack from one of the smokers who couldn't handle their drink as they stumbled around blindly outside.
That night she became less of herself.
That night she lost another part of her.
♪ 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚍𝚊𝚢 ♪
Leila started bringing people home. She didn't care anymore she just wanted to be numb again because the drinks were good but they weren't helping as much as they used to.
Cigarettes and people were the only things that helped.
She was able to bring people home for a week before her parents noticed.
They noticed at the worst time. When she was sitting on a girl's lap, their lips connected as they made out on her bed.
Then just as Leila began to wrap her arms around her neck, holding onto the girl she vaguely remembers to be called Amber the door was pushed open, the soft knock her mother had done having gone unnoticed by both girls.
"What the hell is this?!" Her mother shouted as she stared at her daughter kissing another girl.
Leila jumped as she turned to look at her mother. The girl beneath her didn't care she simply smirked as she ran her fingers across her thighs. "Hi mom." Leila offered a nervous grin.
Her mother stared at her some more before turning and shouting for her husband.
As Leila heard the shout of "Edward!" Leave her mother's mouth, she froze. She realized she was in deep trouble as she pushed herself off the girl, offering her an apologetic look as she rolled her eyes and huffed.
"What?! I'm busy!" Her father shouted back from downstairs and for a moment Leila thought she was in the clear but her mother was determined.
"You need to come up here!" Her mother glanced at Leila for a moment before facing the stairs again, "Your daughter is throwing away her life!"
Leila could imagine her father huffing before he stood up and began to stomp up the stairs, she winced with every stomp, scared of what would happen next.
Spoiler alert her father was not happy.
Leila couldn't remember it clearly, all she knew was she cried as she fought with her father, he told her something along the lines of 'I won't have a freak in my home' to which she said fine and grabbed a bag, shoving whatever she could inside of it before leaving her home with the slam of the front door as she threw it closed stuck in her mind as her father called after her, "And don't come back!"
She cried as she walked to the nearby park, finding herself sitting on the bench as tears ran down her face, sobs wracking her body as she held herself close.
She knew they wouldn't accept her. They didn't accept Alex when they found out he liked boys, why would they accept her?
She sniffled, her father's voice calling her a freak echoing in her mind as she held her body close to her wishing she could just disappear.
