Flaming Hearts ~From The Ashes I Rise ~Book3 {OLDER VERSION}

CH24 - Choices Of Our Own - Part1

I didn't know what to do. . . I didn't know how to feel. . .

I couldn't even breath. . .

I can feel my sanity is losing its grip. . .

Everything is a total mess and I don't know how to start the cleaning. . .

Maybe because once I do it and finish with it once, it would end up getting messed up again. . . ?

Or maybe. . . maybe because there is no helping in it at all. . . no way to even fix it. . .

Oh, who am I trying to fool here? There is nothing that can be fixed! Even if there was, I would screw up just like last time!

How could I have let this happen when I tried, worked on myself so hard to prevent this part of History to repeat itself! But it happened again. . . meaning I had failed. . .

I had failed everyone. . . I had failed my friends. . . and I failed her just like I failed Sanyu. . .

And worst of all. . . I had failed Kurama once again. . .

Not only did I lost Sanyu, my very first friend who welcomed me into a beautiful, long term friendship with open arms. . . but I also couldn't save Kurama from his pain, this tragedy of losing his brother.

A loved one. . .

Now it happened again. . .

Another friend of mine got to suffer because I was useless. . . while Kurama get to suffer losing another one of his loved ones all over again. . .

The fact that he tried to comfort me many times, reassure me that it was not my fault along with the others, it made me sick of myself. Mainly because I know deep within the core of my bones that I was definitely at fault, making me realize that I truly don't deserve this life. . . the people I am with. . .

To have a life to live in general. . .

I don't deserve it because all I do is screw up, create mistakes, more problem and each of their results ends up with one of my loved ones suffering the consequences. . . .

First Sanyu, who faded away right before my eyes. . . And now Ruby, who sent me back against my own will, just so she can take my place and keep me safe. . .

My mind is pulling out many thoughts that my dark creativity makes up while my emotions were exploding all around the place.

I didn't know what to do here anymore. . .

Suddenly I feel my eyes flutter open and the next thing I knew, I found myself in the dark abyss place while the twist in my gut returned.