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So often, I would go back to the place that hurt me —to savor the pain and the hurt because I deserve it
So often, I would look behind me so that I could grasp the state of my dwindling reality
So often, I would slick back the hair I've let grow long —just to hide the sadness living in my eyes
I saw nothing as expected —just empty, black pools that drown in regret— heartache— pain and death because I deserve it
So often, I would change back to a shirt I've worn the night before —just so I could relive the days of old when it was better
But I'd smell the nostalgia of my past and I'd remember everything that brought me here —just to recall blood screams— chains because I deserve it
So often, I would look back to the darkness that devoured me —to deny myself of the pleasure of mockery just so I could find hope that tomorrow will come and it will be better
