Dad, Dad, and Dad?

Chapter 21

With the big break up only happening a few days ago, Josh has been really out of it. He's only put out one video in five days and it was CAH with the boys. He didn't even put on a face cam because of how sleep deprived he was. Instead he said the camera was broken. Every night he was awake thinking. About Riley. Even she could tell something was wrong. The fans definitely knew something was up. Josh was honest, telling them him and Freya split.

The thing is, it isn't the lose of Freya that makes him feel this way; it's what she said.

Josh has been so busy in his own world, he blocked the other guys who would occasionally try to talk to him about his feelings. They left him alone for the most part.

It's Sunday and Josh has to pull his head out of his ass. It's been a few weeks since he and Ri have skyped Josie. The day Sunday will now haunt Josh. Thanks Freya 🖕

"Daddy are you okay?" Riley asked as, once again, Josh spaced out.

"Oh, yeah sweetheart. Just waiting for mummy to pick up." Josh readjusted Riley on his lap so she wasn't falling off. After calling a second time, Josie answered.

"Hey there baby! Hi Josh!"

"Hi. Say hello to mum, Ri!"

"Hi mummy!" Riley went to put her hands on the screen.

"No, don't do that. That's gross." Josh pulled her sticky hands off.

As Riley and Josie talked, Josh's mind wandered off. Wondering where he would be right now if he wasn't here. Probably having dinner with Freya. What if Riley just wasn't here? And everything could of been fine. He wouldn't be heartbroken and Freya would be across the dinner table smiling. Why didn't Josie decline the goddamn job? Maybe if Riley just never-

"Josh?"

"What? Sorry, Josie." He tuned back in.

"I just wanted to have a conversation with you now. See how things are going. Are you alright?"

"It's just been a rough week. Me and Freya broke up."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear."

"It's whatever, but thanks. Apparently she's more of an attention seeker than I thought. She couldn't even handle Riley taking up a minute of her time." Josh laughed dryly.

"Well, I'll be back in just six months to take Riley back and then she won't be problem for you anymore. You'll be able to carry on your normal life." Her lips moved separate from the words coming out of the speakers. Her smile lagging as she finished speaking.
~
Josh walked back into his room after putting Riley to sleep in her bed. She really needs to start sleeping on her own now.

And Josh needs to start actually sleeping as well.

He tried but the thoughts about everything he had done wrong held his eyes open. His body remained frozen as if asleep. A few soft knocks on his door made him jolt.

"Simon what do you want?" he mumbled, already knowing who it was. Only Simon was this pesky to Josh.

"I can't sleep and I know you can't either." he answered. Simon came into the room. Only he was this concerned. Refusing to back down after every time Josh denied help.

"Do you want me to read you a bed time story?" Josh asked, lazily.

"No. Unless it's about a little boy named Joshy and his heartbreak." Simon replied. Josh couldn't believe this kid. Simon is constantly trying get Josh to talk about how he's been feeling lately. The older man wanted to be left alone, but Simon didn't want to see him suffer. Josh knew what he was doing, and he couldn't deny such a face.

"Fine. Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Joshy who was left feeling heartbroken. He didn't miss the bitchiness of his ex, but he missed when she was happy and everything was going in a good direction. He missed his normal life. Maybe if his little sister, Riley, had never been born..."

"Josh don't say that!" Simon interrupted. "You love Riley and you know you're happy to see her!" Simon couldn't believe Josh was actually regretting taking Riley in. "You think you would be happier if denied and turned away your own daughter?"

"No, I'm happy to have spent time with Riley but... I didn't even know she was alive before this. I forgot." What kind of a dad are you? "Life would be easier if I carried on never knowing she existed. But what kind of a dad forgets their own child? A terrible one. What kind can't balance their job, child, and relationship? A terrible one. Guys do that all the time. Why can't I? Is Freya right?" If there was ever a time for Josh to cry, it was now.

And Simon couldn't stand to see him hate himself like this. Simon wants Josh to feel loved.

"Don't listen to her. You don't deserve to feel like this. She's the one not being loyal and loving. She wasn't the one for you. Be happy this happened before getting married." Simon comforted him. Why would anyone do this to another person? A perfect one at that, who shouldn't question their existence.

"I just feel like I'm not a good dad."

"But you're daddy af! Everyone knows that! You're the best kind of dad there is!" Simon, with no warning, hugged him as if he would never let go. He wanted to show Josh he won't leave him. Josh relaxed into the hug.

"Thanks, Simon. You're the best kind of friend."

Finally, closure.

A/N- WOULD EVERYONE BE CHILL IF I CHANGED MY NAME TO SIDEPILOTS? Since I don't watch the pack and I likkes tøp. Also thanks for the support and nice comments :)