You're Shit At Lying

Chapter 25 - Some Sort Of Barrier

HARRY'S POV:
I don't know why I did that. I should've just said no, but I didn't. I can't hide it anymore, not from myself, not from anyone. I'm not okay. There's always some sort of barrier that shuts down when I try to speak to people about this sort of stuff. It's like I won't let myself, even if I do actually want to. I guess this time is different. I've given up, I don't care anymore. I'm broken, way beyond repair. So I opened my mouth to speak, and as soon as I had, the front door opened. Fuck. "Hey Harry you okay?" Simon said, in an overall worried tone as he walked straight through the doors. I can't put up with this right now. I stood up from the sofa and walked past the boys, out of the room and up the stairs with no words.

When I made it to my room I locked the door and flopped on the bed. Why? Why when I'm ready to finally talk, does the moment need to be ruined? I guess it's just the world telling me that I really shouldn't speak about this. No one needs to know. It's not like they really care anyway.

SIMON'S POV:
What did I do wrong? All I did was walk through the door and ask him if he was okay, was that so bad? I gave Talia a questioning look and she walked back to the sofa, gesturing for me to follow and sit down. "When we got here he was having a panic attack," my face dropped "It took ages to calm him down. After that he had what seemed to be a mental breakdown, I guess." I was shocked. To be honest, I don't know why. I've witnessed it many times in the past few days. Maybe it was because I wasn't there, and able to help this time, maybe it was because I felt guilty about leaving him here on his own. Talia knows it's happened to him before, I've told her, but to know that I didn't know about it just broke my heart a bit. He's one of my best friends. It sucks when you can't do anything, I felt helpless in that moment. "Just before you came back," she started again "I sat next to him and asked if he wanted to talk about anything... he said yes. I think that might be why he stormed off upstairs." She sighed and sat back. It made sense I guess. But why would he speak to Talia about it and not me and the boys? "Simon," she spoke again, slowly. "he said he was constantly exhausted. He said.." her voice cracked slightly "he said he couldn't be bothered anymore, and that he was done.. with life." She sniffled. I sat there still, whilst my mind was racing many miles an hour.

HARRY'S POV:
About half an hour had passed and I just layed there staring at the ceiling. I guess I was kinda lucky that they got home when they did, because actually talking to Talia would've been a huge mistake. I guess I just never make the right choices anymore. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and sat up, shaking the thoughts from my head. I felt a painful wave of dizziness wash over me as I did that. I needed something to eat. I walked out of the room, surprisingly a lot calmer than I would normally be and headed down the stairs. I made it to the kitchen, being greeted by everyone straight away.

There was too many people in the room and I immediately started to panic a little. Though I pushed the thought to the side as I sat down on a stool. I need to be brave... wow I sound pathetic. I looked around the room and over to the person opposite me.

"S-Simon, oh uh no, Josh. N-no um Tobi," I stuttered out. I kept on changing my mind as i thought about what reaction each person would give me. Everyone sat at the table looked towards me, confused expressions on their faces. "I uh.. please can I have something to eat?" I muttered out, facing the table, carefully studying each mark laid upon it.
I felt everyone looking at me so I slowly lifted my head back up to meet their gazes. A few of them had light smiles on their faces, a few looked slightly concerned, and the rest were just in utter confusion.