Alastor's Fading Static Hatred (Radiodust mpreg)

Chapter Seventy-Seven: Um?

Hahahaha, get ready to pay a lot more attention to what the fuck is going on because there is going to be a lot going on. The fourth wall has been given permission to be executed by management. Good luck, readers. That is also my cat, Blackbeard, as shown above.

Jeff was sitting calmly on the couch as he drew a slender boy with red-tipped, silver hair and stitches sewn through his lips and skin like he was thrown together out of scraps of fabric.

"Who is that?" I asked, pointing at the notebook.

"This? Oh, um, this is my friend. His name is B. Hatzenbuehler, but everyone calls him Rat. He draws me all the time." Jeff explained awkwardly. I felt a strange sense of déjà vu when he said that, but I shrugged it off.

Jeff drew Rat again and again, in several different outfits, positions, and doing different things. Based on his drawings, I guessed that Rat was another transman who was a little obnoxious towards some people, but cared deeply about them and his plants.

Jeff stopped drawing Rat after drawing Rat wearing a witches' hat and holding sage in his hand.

"Pardon me. I just remembered that we're almost out of tea and coffee. Y'all go through it like it's water." I excused myself, slipping past Jeff on my way out the door. So Rat might practice witchcraft. Well, join the club. I practice Voodoo and some other witchcraft, as does my mom, Fae practices Wicca, and Husk is Pagan. The rest of us don't really practice any sort of magic intentionally, but we all have some. Calypso has got a literal third eye, for Hell's sake.

But where have I seen Rat before?

I walked down the streets, with the intention of finding the oddly familiar being that Jeff was drawing. I ended up walking into a shop that sells crystals, plants, herbs, books, wands, and stuff for shrines.

A woman with a slightly catlike appearance looked up when I entered the shop. She had a very pretty pink dress that resembled what Calypso and Mercy called "magical girl" style and light brown hair with pale pink highlights.

"Hello! Welcome to Tumbleweed Witch Shop! How may I help you today?" She asked. I read the name tag that hung off her little witch hat fascinator. Her name was Madeline.

"Um, yes, I just wanted to browse a little bit. I have no idea why I'm in here either." I scratched my scalp a little bit.

"Oh, we get that all the time. B. has the hardest time helping people who just come out of the blue because their deity or guide or familiar brought them here. Do you wanna sit in the meditation area in the back to figure it out?" Madeline chattered away. I shook my head before wandering the shelves of books and herbs and crystals.

A few books stood out to me so I plucked them off the shelf and leafed through them until I heard a soft thud that startled me. I peeked around the shelf to find Madeline helping Rat off the floor.

"Put me down, put me down, put me down." Rat kept repeating at Madeline in a strong Scottish accent. "I can walk by meself y'know. It ain't that hard. I just stand up...and move me fackin' legs. Put me down."

I almost laughed at that, but Rat looked furious with embarrassment and I didn't want to get hexed by a very angry Scotsman. Rat walked away from Madeline, who looked rightly concerned because of how much Rat was limping.

"But your knee just gave out, kiddo." She tried to tell him.

"I ain't no kiddo, Madeline, now go back t' talking tayer spirits. I have to clean up Jeff's big fackin' mess." Rat hissed at Madeline with a long forked tongue flicking between the stitches over his mouth.

"Okay." Madeline looked very distraught, but she went back to her crystal ball. Rat flicked his tongue out again before limping straight towards me.

Is this what impending doom feels like?

I froze as Rat turned the corner. Rat stared at me, unimpressed.

"Alastor, what're'ya doin' in me shop?" I heard the Scotsman ask.

"I have no idea." I mumbled.

"Well, come join me for tea. I just made a fresh brew before I smelt ya. Take th' books ya found with ya." Rat limped up the stairs and I followed hesitantly with the small stack of books. The strong smell of black tea flooded into my nose and I had to take a step back.

"Ooh, that's strong. Oh bon dieu." I exclaimed as Rat stood at the top of the stairs, waiting for me. I made my way up the stairs and into a little cluttered apartment with two beds and a set of chairs around a table. Rat took off the heeled shoes, and the already short man shrank a few inches. He took off his sunglasses before bustling about his kitchen. I stood at the top of the stairs, uncertain about whether or not I should come in and get settled at the table.

It was understandable, there was a deck of tarot cards sitting in between two fully lit black candles on a black tablecloth, a very familiar and scary set-up to find in someone's home if you're used to messing with the really dark side of Voodoo.

"Alastor, sit. I'll put th' candles out, hold on." Rat walked over with a little candle douser and put it on either candle before moving the pair of candles to a desk. He tucked the tarot cards into a red velvet bag after tapping them on the table and shuffling them.

I sat cautiously at the table as Rat pulled the tablecloth off the table and put a cup of tea down in front of me.

"So...yer here. I dint think ya would find me." Rat started, sipping his tea after stirring in some cinnamon, honey, and sugar.

"I guess..." I agreed hesitantly, still feeling like a literal deer in the headlights.

"Oh, calm yeself, calm yeself. I'm not gonna hurt ya. I think it's a bit of a miracle ya found me. How are yer wee little ones, dear?" Rat asked as I sipped the tea. I nearly spat out my tea.

"What? WHATDIDYOUJUSTSAY?!" I asked, coughing a little bit.

"Yer children? Mercy, Stitches, Sam, Jack, and Aubrey? How are they?" Rat asked again.

"How do you know about my children?" I asked.

"Oh. That. Right. I'm th' one writin' this narrative in a different world and I'm fully aware of th' progress I've made, but also-ya just broke down th' fourth wall with a bat made out of magic because Jeff decided to tell ya about me. Normally, Jeff is th' one who breaks down th' fourth wall. He broke th' fourth wall just after Mercy was born and I had to patch it back up with a wee bit of magic of me own." Rat explained.

I stared at him with disbelief, about ready to bolt. "Wait, wait, wait, wait...you're the one who has thrown us onto this...hellish roller coaster ride? Why would you do that?"

"I didn' really choose to. This was prophesied from me world. I just had t' write it down in the book of life. I also write down what all happens in a different book. I leave th' books alone sometimes and let ya all go about yer way on yer own. I've been writin' for...maybe nine months now in the other dimension? That would be about nine years here. It's a long story, I'll give ya that. We're probably nowhere near th' end of this story." Rat told me.

"How does it end for me and Angel?" I asked.

"With yer family, just like ya are now. It'll be interestin' though. D'ya wanna know how many end up queer?"

"Sure. Then I can place bets with Angel and Husk on who the not-queer ones are." I decided.

"Four of them turn out queer."

"Oh dear. It's an elimination game then." I laughed.