LOVE BEYOND... WORDS

9

Now in her bed Ameril felt on the floor hugging her body thigtly her mind lower than ever she knew that she couldn't give up, but she felt like things wasn't fair, not fair at all.

Why will she goes through all those things? Those feelings that played with her mind and heart like it was a punching bag? Standing up she facepalmed herself something she always do when not understanding a situation.

"Why? Why?? Why??" Slouching in her bed she screamed in her pillow again and again untill her throat couldn't emitted any sound anymore. Fried she stayed there not moving as death as she could feel.

Suddenly she started hyperventilating tears pouring on her face, retrieving in herself like a ball she stayed like that not calling someone for help, thinking if she die it will be for the good, but it wasn't the first time a breakdown like this one occur, it all started when she was around eighteen now she just knew that it would passed. That was when her internal self would come in help appeasing her.

"You're stronger than this hold on and breath."  Doing so she gave up minutes later for another fit of cries.

She never knew how it worked but her body had this defense mechanism where her mind or subconscious would started speaking to her, talking her out of her anxiety.

"I'm sorry, I'm so weak, I'm sorry. It's hard, my, my heart hurts, it hurt so much..." Breathing laboriously she didn't knew how she did but she found herself gripping the window breathing in as much air as she could.

"Don't focus on right now, tomorrow will be bright. Untill then I'll be your strength. Did I ever lie to you princess?"

Shaking her head no Ameril slide down the wall a bit shaken up her breath itching. It was real everything her other self said always arrived as said but her mind was so cloud that it had no space for understanding. Clutching her heart she started silently crying sniffing why couldn't they love her as she was? Why?

"You're focusing on the bricks that makes you fall rather than the site around you. Lift your head up and see what is all yours."

Taking sharp breath her arms hugging herself providing a warmth that she always felt when she had her inner voice soothing her. It was like a small light refusing to dim in the dark, as the voice kept going it became brighter warming her.

"You're loved. You're worth so much. Trust me they will eventually come around. If not I will give you the world."

Feeling the warmth spread all over her body, her inner voice sinking deeper in her soul. This was how she was always  able to get up and started over like nothing happened because it was really how she felt. Leaning her head into the wall eyes closed, she felt a bit relieved, her arms stretched on her knees fingers crossed in one fist.

Rolling her head from side to side, Ameril thought about her grandmother, she always knew what to said or not to, she would just sat there whenever Ameril will arrived at her house a smile on telling her she could come whenever she wanted.

Now, she had no friends, no place to go at twenty eight, sure living together wasn't always good but around Malbury Hill it was common, Max her elder from two years, had his room out remodeled as a small studio apartment connected to the parking since he was the heir it was natural for him to stay home. The contrary was seen as rejection of family.

Serena or Amber still lived also with family in fact the most part of the people her age she knew were in the same situation, the families were conservatives around, family count a lot.

She felt so stuck it hurt, but her inner voice kept chanting the reverse until she finally breath out all stress leaving her mind, the daze in which her mind was fading.